


The Dead Men War- Oneshots and minifics

by kaisantrash



Series: Dead Men War 2.0 [1]
Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:26:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 25,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaisantrash/pseuds/kaisantrash
Summary: Here are all my random oneshots based on my ficseries "The Dead Men War". Include a few OC's (Satya Eka) and are all set in random points in time with no real tie to the plot of the series unless I say so :)





	1. Chapter 1

Valkyrie absentmindedly munched on her chips as she highlighted her textbook. She sat across Livia Thorn, a young mage her age that had the power to memorise everything she came across. Basically, she was super smart. 

While Valkyrie studied for her Physics test that was on next week, Livia was reading one of the books on magical theory that Hopeless had given her from his collection. It was in  _latin._

Suddenly, Valkyrie's phone began ringing, breaking the silence of the study hall with the opening of Michael Buble's cover of  _Mr and Mrs Jones._

"Shit," She hissed, dropping her bag of crisps, "Sorry!" She called to the hall monitor.

Livia shook her head, going back to her book.

"I'm at school, Skulduggery!" Valkyrie hissed, wiping the salt on her fingers on her uniform. 

 _"We're going to Galway,"_ Skulduggery replied in his velvety, smooth voice.

"Galway?" Valkyrie grimaced, "Why on earth are we going to Galway?"

_"There's been a string of murders with a suspicious amount of exploding brains involved."_

Valkyrie raised her eyebrows, "Wow, okay- I get to control the music."

_"I think not."_

"Skulduggery, please- I'm not spending-" She tilted the phone away slightly, "Liv, how long does it take to drive to Galway?"

"Two hours and fifteen minutes."

"Skulduggery, I'm not spending two hours and fifteen minutes listening to bloody violins," Valkyrie told him.

_"Oh lord, you're whining- I knew there was a reason you were my third option."_

"Third? Who were the first two?"

_"Satya and Dexter."_

"You hate Satya's music taste and Dexter would spend too much time talking."

_"Yes, you have that in common."_

Valkyrie rolled her eyes, "You're going to let me control the music otherwise I'll tell the others about the Grace Kelly autograph you keep."

Livia put down her book, looking up in interest.

Valkyrie was met with silence, "See that's funny because I was joking," She grinned widely, "Where do you keep it? In the Bentley?"

 _"Fine,"_ Skulduggery grumbled,  _"You control the music."_

"And we stop for food whenever I feel like it."

_"Now you're just pushing it."_

"Good thing Satya's on my speed dial, do you mind holding-"

_"Fine."_

Valkyrie grinned triumphantly, "You can call my mum and tell her I'll be going to Galway while you're at it."

_"I'm remembering why I was trying to convince Hopeless to fire you."_

"Aw, don't be like that- You know you love me- We're going to have so much fun jamming out on our road trip!"

She heard Skulduggery sigh,  _"You're going to hold this over me for a long time, aren't you?"_

She grinned, "Of course, dear," She imitated him.


	2. The Bisexual Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valkyrie and Satya watch sweaty hot people spar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valkyrie is 15/16 in this.

Satya walked towards Valkyrie in the observation room that viewed into the training rooms, her arms full with textbooks, "Oi- Aren't you supposed to be doing homework?" She chastised as she sat next to the teenager.

Valkyrie looked at her, "You tell me," She said with a wicked grin. Satya gave her a look of confusion before looking straight through the glass at what Valkyrie was looking at.

"Oh dear lord," She said before grinning, putting down her books on the desk and resting her chin on her palm, "I do not blame you for one second."

"This is what I get treated to when I'm injured," Valkyrie told her.

"No wonder you're always getting yourself beaten up," Satya said, narrowing her eyes with a grin, "I would do if this is what I was treated with."

And a treat it was.

Because what was in front of them was a shirtless  andsweaty Dexter Vex sparring with an equally shirtless (With a sports bra) and sweaty Tanith Low.

"You, my dear, are living the bisexual dream," Satya commented before tilting her head, "Someone tell Ghastly to hurry and man up before I bed Tanith Low myself."

Valkyrie sighed, "Too bad she's seven decades older than me," She said jokingly.

Satya waved her hand dismissively, "Give it twenty years and no one will care," She said before shooting a look at the younger girl, "Don't tell anyone I said that," She warned, "I'll never hear the end of it from Skulduggery."

"Okay- If Tanith's off the table then what about Dexter?"

Satya's grin widened, her eyes watching keenly as the sparring partners' muscles rippled in the sun, glistening with sweat. 

Valkyrie looked shocked, momentarily distracted from the fight, "You're kidding, right?" When Satya didn't answer, she pressed, "When?!"

The woman waved her hand again, "A fling in the 40s- It was no big deal. Good fun, good times."

Valkyrie looked astonished, "Why'd you end it?" She asked curiously, "I mean-" She waved a hand at Dexter through the glass, "Look at him."

Satya shrugged, "It just happened," She said, her tone light, "We were good friends and we got drunk, shit happened and then after awhile we got bored and it never happened again."

"Huh," Valkyrie turned her attention back to the fight, her pen tapping against the page of the book she was working on, "What about China?"

Now it was Satya's turn to look shocked, "What about China?" She questioned.

"Don't play coy- It's not hard to tell that you two have been together."

Satya narrowed her eyes, "We are not doing this right now," She said, snapping her fingers and causing the glass to darken, "Not when we have some glorious Biology to get through."

Valkyrie began to protest, almost knocking aside the book as she tried to break through the mask that Satya held up. She gave up, sighing and slumping in her chair, "You suck."

"Don't worry, I'll enjoy the view for both of us."

 


	3. Skin And Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satya receives an urgent call from Valkyrie telling her to come to a hospital. Valkyrie is much older here. Valduggery can be implied (FYI I don't ship it but I just think its an interesting route to go once all the Dead Men eventually separate and it's just those two solving crimes and shit).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, no relevance to my fic plotline. Just a random idea I had and decided to write but has no place in the fic :) Also, all I'm saying is Colin Donoghue

Satya Eka parked her car, narrowing her eyes as she took in the sight of the small, slightly dingy hospital. She had driven for an hour to the middle-of-nowhere town as soon as Valkyrie Cain's urgent call came. She hadn't given any information, only just told her not to tell anyone and to come alone.

Satya walked into the hospital entrance, stopping at reception. 

"Afternoon, how can I help you?" An elderly woman asked kindly from behind a desk. She had a badge that said she was a volunteer from the local community group.

"I'm here to see your newest patient," Satya said, "A John Doe that came in with a woman?"

The woman nodded, looking down at her clipboard - It was 2038 and she was still using clipboards? Get with the times, woman. 

"Just down the hall, first left," She told Satya. Satya nodded, thanking her before pushing past the doors to the hallway, her heels clicking against the hospital floors.

She reached the room, peering through the window pane in the door. Valkyrie was sitting in a chair, her back to the door, sitting at such an angle that she blocked Satya's view of the man lying in the hospital bed.

Satya opened the door and walked in. Valkyrie turned immediately, her face tense but when she saw who it was, she immediately relaxed, "Satya, thank god." 

The older sorceress said nothing as Valkyrie stood, moving slightly, allowing her a glimpse of the man.

 _"He Bhaghwan,"_ Satya muttered, taking a step towards the bed. 

"It's him, isn't it?" Valkyrie asked nervously, biting her lip, "It's really him."

Satya didn't answer her, instead moving closer to the man and placing her two fingers against his throat. She could feel the pumping of blood, his veins were faint hue of blue that contrasted his pale skin. His skin had a sickly sheen to it, almost waxy like a vampire as if he hadn't been in the sun for a while. The man was thin, too thin. Almost like he hadn't eaten in-

"Four centuries," Satya murmured, "It's been four centuries since I've seen this face." She stroked back a stray piece of dark brown hair from his face. 

"What do we do?" Valkyrie asked.

Satya turned to look at her and almost smiled, "Nothing- Whatever the bitch did to him, we can't reverse. Unless, of course, your old friend Darquesse wants to come out and play?"

Valkyrie didn't answer this, choosing instead to watch the sleeping man.

"He's going to be insufferable," Satya murmured, checking the bags of fluid that the doctors had set him up with, "I mean, he was insufferable before- But with this face, it's going to get a lot worse."

"How do we get him back?" Valkyrie asked again.

"Dear, Valkyrie," Satya turned to her, "There is no "getting him back". This is him. This is the same man that you have known since you were twelve. _"_

Valkyrie didn't look convinced, but her eyes stayed on the sleeping Skulduggery.

"This is your partner in crime- Before he was just a skeleton but now? He's skin  _and_ bone."

As soon as she finished speaking, she heard a raspy breath.

"Oh god," Valkyrie rushed to the man's side in a second. His eyes were open - a deep emerald green - and were flickering around the place, getting used to the harsh lights.

"My throat-" he rasped, "Water-" He let out a loud cough that seemed to vibrate through his body.

Satya moved quickly, pouring him a glass from the pitcher on his bedside table. Valkyrie helped him carefully sit up and held the cup to his lips as he drank.

After a few moments, he cleared his throat and she pulled the cup away.

"I'm sorry," He started, after a racking cough. His eyes focused on Valkyrie, "But who are you?"

Valkyrie paled considerably, gaping at him before pulling her hand away from him like she had been burnt.

Satya just frowned, "Don't be so cruel, Skulduggery," She chastised with a light smack. He yelped, pulling his arm away from her.

"I humbly apologise, Valkyrie," Skulduggery Pleasant grinned - It was a bright, charming grin, with shiny white teeth and boyish lopsidedness. The kind of smile she was used to seeing on Dexter Vex - not a living skeleton.

"I hate you," Valkyrie murmured with a glare. But Satya could tell she had relaxed considerably at hearing the familiar velvety smooth voice of the ex-skeleton detective.

"Oh, this is just disgusting," Skulduggery said, holding out his hands to observe them, turning them over before wincing, "I have a heart now- I can feel  _my heart._  It feels like my chest is about to explode."

"Stop being dramatic," Satya told him, "Atleast you have hair now."

"There's that," he muttered before looking up, "Valkyrie," He said with considerable softness.

Valkyrie stood behind Satya, still slightly pale and unsure.

He reached out his hand towards her, "It's still me," He promised, "I swear I remember how annoying you are."

Valkyrie let out a small laugh at that, taking his hand, "I found your Grace Kelly autograph, by the way," She said, sitting on the side of his bed by his knee.

Satya smiled at the sight, "I'm going to see if I can get you some food- Any requests?" She asked, pulling out her phone, "Ghastly will be glad to see you."

Skulduggery tilted his head in a familiar way, "Get me everything," He decided, "I have four hundred years of food to catch up with."

Satya laughed at that and the last thing she saw before leaving the room to make her call was Skulduggery's pale hand reaching for Valkyrie's.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like making a separate AU with this.


	4. The Betrayal Of Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst that I may or may not use in the fic

Saracen Rue knew things.

He didn't know how he knew things. He just knew that sometimes he'd wake up with a fact in mind. Sometimes he would dream. Sometimes it was a gut feeling.

This time it was a dream. 

He had been sitting in his apartment, a glass of whiskey in hand as he read his book. 

And he was three hundred and forty two pages in when he finally dozed off.

_Saracen stood in a war camp. He recognised the place from three hundred years ago. The camp was silent. There were a few soldiers walking around, keeping watch._

_He remembered this night. It was six nights before the night in the trenches, when the Dead Men had gone to fight Vile, only to find that he hadn't shown up._

_Which meant-_

_A figure emerged in the darkness, a thin man could be made out in the fog. Skulduggery Pleasant walked into the camp, wearing leathers that Saracen hadn't seen him in in years, a hat bowed low to cover his skull. Under the guise of darkness, the skeleton made his way to one of the tents that were deeper into the camp._

_This was the night Skulduggery Pleasant came back from his five years in hiding._

_He had shown up one morning, to the shock of most of the camp._

_But clearly he had made a pit stop._

_Saracen followed the skeleton to the camp, and realised whose tent they were going to._

_"Satya."_

_Satya Eka looked up, her forehead creased in annoyance before she realised who it was, standing up and stumbling back, "No- This isn't possible-"_

_Skulduggery was by her side in seconds, stabilising her, "I assure you, I'm very much real."_

_Satya's eyes were wide as she looked up at him, her breath shaky as he sat her on her bed roll, "How is this possible?" She whispered, "No one could find you- We were sure Lord Vile had killed you."_

_"You can't kill a Dead Man," Skulduggery said, "You know that."_

_"If you weren't dead, then where were you?" Satya hissed, moving away from him and standing like he had been burned, "Aoife is dead- Vile killed her on the battlefield. Larrikin almost died and Hopeless-" She shook her head, "He almost got himself killed trying to sneak into enemy camps."_

_Saracen felt a pang in his chest._

_Skulduggery said nothing._

_"What is it?" Satya asked._

_Skulduggery looked up at her, his skull expressionless as always._ _"It was me," He said, his voice quiet. Saracen had to strain to hear him._

_"What?" Satya asked._

_"Abyssinia-" Skulduggery started before shaking his head, "She fed my rage and tempted me- "_

_"What are you saying?" Satya asked, her voice a mixture of confusion and worry._

_Saracen could feel his heart sink._

_"Satya-" Skulduggery stood, looking down on his best friend, "I came to you first because I was there when you-"_

_"Skulduggery," Satya whispered, cutting him off, "What are you saying?"_

_"I was Lord Vile."_

_No._

_No no no no no- It wasn't possible- let this be a lie - no no_

_Satya let out a shaky breath, taking a step back from Skulduggery, "No."_

_Skulduggery said nothing._

_Satya covered her mouth with her hand, "No- You couldn't have," She whispered, "This isn't possible- Skul- Say it's a lie-"_

_"It's true," He whispered._

_Satya was sobbing now, "Then this is my fault," She whispered._

_"No- Satya, don't you dare-"_

_S_ _he pushed Skulduggery away, a hand pressed against his chest, "How could I not take the blame?" She sobbed, "This was me thirty years ago and you-"_

_Saracen couldn't block the ringing in his head._

_It's true_

_It's true_

_It's true_

_Skulduggery reached for the woman, holding her as she sobbed, "I thought space was what you needed- I let her take you away from me- Skulduggery, forgive me-"_

_Skulduggery held her, her head resting on his bony shoulder, "Satya, this was all me," He said softly, "I turned you away. Don't you dare take my burden."_

_"You held me when I was in your place," She whispered into his shoulder, her voice muffled, "You held me and saved me when I almost turned to darkness- And when you needed me to do the same- I failed you-"_

Saracen woke up with a start, knocking aside his glass which shattered as it touched the floor. The sound of the shattering was muffled by the ringing in his ears, like drums and bells booming at once.

"It's not true-" He whispered, stumbling to his feet, swaying slightly. His face was wet with tears.

"Please, dear lord- Don't be true."


	5. Casablanca Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fling in the 40s that Satya mentioned. It was actually in the 30s. And not in Europe. And it wasn't exactly a fling as per se. More like confront. Details, details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm watching Casablanca for English and I got inspired....

Dexter Vex walked into the busy saloon, nodding at the bouncer as he pulled out his cigarette case, bringing a cigarette to his lips and lighting it with a sneaky spark of his fingers.

"Monsieur," A waiter greeted, "Would you like a table?"

Dexter shook his head, puffing out smoke while looking around the saloon with an air of nonchalance. On one side sat the musicians, a man sitting with his piano, the men behind him played their instruments with vigour and enthusiasm. A pretty lady stood on stage, crooning into a microphone with a sweet but loud voice.

"I'll stay by the bar, I think- But show me where I can find the gambling tables?" The waiter nodded, ushering him to the bar, while speaking to the bartender in quick, rapid french.

"I'll take a Sazerac," Dexter ordered, before sitting on the bar stool and turning to observe the inhabitants of the saloon. He noticed several German soldiers sitting on one end of the saloon, enjoying themselves and their cheap French wine- Probably thinking they were served with the best of the house. They were almost sanctioned off from the rest of the crowd which sat surrounding the musicians. Several Europeans sat enjoying the show, their smiles were disguises for the secretive deals they made under the tables, swapping cash for favours, swapping favours for exit visas.

"Didn't expect to see you in Casablanca."

Dexter turned, tilting his head as he surveyed the woman. "I could say the same," He said, pulling the cigarette away from his lips, "You're the last person I'd expect wanted a Visa to America."

Satya Eka laughed, shifting her silver shawl slightly so it fell off her shoulders rather than covered them as she sat down next to Dexter, kissing him on the cheek, "A champagne for me," She said to the barkeeper, "On his bill of course."

Dexter watched her carefully as he smoked. It had been a good six months since they had last seen each other, and a mere two weeks since he had received any letters from her.

"Last you wrote, you were in London. What news?" Satya asked, plucking the cigarette from his fingers.

"Not much, other than the obvious. I left Erskine and Saracen there and took the Midnight Hotel to Lisbon," He told her, taking a sip of the drink that the bartender slid him.

"And how are Anton and Robin?" Satya asked eagerly, giving him back the cigarette, "I don't bother writing them and the last time I saw them was in Spain a month ago."

Dexter took another sip before answering, "Same old, same old. I think Robin is planning to propose."

Satya laughed at that, "He told me he planned to propose after the war. Give it another two hundred years."

Dexter smiled, taking a drag of his cigarette and watched her closely. "You're not sleeping," He noted the dark circles under her eyes that she had covered up with makeup.

Satya stiffened, turning her gaze towards her champagne flute, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Dexter shook her head, "Glad to see you're still as stubborn as ever. When's the last time you spoke to Hopeless? Or Skulduggery?"

Satya turned to him harshly, "Did they send you?" She asked, "Did they send you to check up on me? Need I remind you that I'm older than all of you, I can handle myself."

"I came because I'm worried, Satya," Dexter said softly, placing a hand on her arm. He put out the cigarette on an ashtray, "The last time I spoke to Hopeless, he told me you got yourself worked up to the point you were sick because of the nightmares. And you won't go to him for help so I came in his stead."

Satya pushed away her flute with a sigh, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I don't know what you want me to say, Dexter- I've tried everything I can to get rid of them and nothing works- It's the same thing every night and I can't-" She shook her head, not bothering to finish the sentence before sliding off her seat, "I'm going for a walk- I need some air. Care to join?"

Dexter took her hand, and followed her, nodding at the doorman as they left the loud saloon and joined the quiet night of Casablanca. Satya waved away and taxi and slid her arm through Dexter's resting her head on his shoulder.

They walked in comfortable silence for awhile, the only sounds piercing the night was the low, muffled rumbles from the cafes they passed. The occasional drunk couple stumbling out of the saloons and into waiting cabs that were eager to snatch up the stragglers and their coin.

At last, Satya spoke, "It's the same dream," She said quietly. Dexter leaned against a brick wall as they stopped. Satya kicked a stray pebble with her heel, focusing on anything but him, "I'm with Skulduggery in the hallway. I kiss Bjorn on the head and tell him to be a good boy for his father, and then I kiss Jonas goodbye."

Dexter watched as she stopped moving and stared out into the street like she was in a trance.

"Skulduggery and I are walking down the street and suddenly there's a loud explosion."

"And I could hear them screaming." Her voice is flat, "Then I wake up." She looks back at him, "It doesn't matter how many times I've dreamt it, it seems as if it were the first time I've dreamt it when I wake up."

"So, you stopped sleeping," Dexter said softly.

"So, I stopped sleeping," She confirmed bitterly, "I came to Casablanca because it was somewhere knew, untouched by the Germans. Next thing I know, rumours of illegal visas are filling the saloons and Germans come storming into town trying to find runaway prisoners of the Reich. What I came for - peace and quiet - was gone."

"And your sister?"

Satya sighed before answering, "I haven't spoken to her in two hundred years and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Maybe she can help you. Skulduggery said she could help when they first-"

Satya cut him off, "I'm not going to my sister!" She snapped.

Dexter went quiet. Satya ran a hand through her hair in exasperation, her shawl tightening around her shoulders, "I'm sorry, I should not have snapped."

"It's fine," He replied softly, reaching for her.

Satya relaxed at his touch but didn't turn to face him, "I just-" She let out a sound that sounded like exasperation, "I just want to forget- I know I can't move on but do I have to suffer?" She asked bitterly, "Skulduggery was brought back from the dead- He went missing for five years and when he came back he was almost normal. Why can't I have that?" She almost shouted to the empty street, "Why do I have to be the one to watch them die every night in front of me- Hear my son's screams as he burned alive- Why can't I just move on like he has?!"

She fell into Dexter's open arms, sobbing openly now against his chest. Dexter held her tightly, stroking her hair before kissing the top of her head. 

"It's been three hundred years," She whispered against his chest, "Why can't I be free?"

 


	6. Casablanca Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last chapter.

"Mademoiselle! You have mail!"

Satya opened the door of her hotel room with a smile, "Thank you so much," She said, taking the letters from the young boy. She shut the door before he could take the time to look in her hotel room.

"How rude," Dexter commented from her hotel bed, "Didn't even tip him."

Satya waved her hand, "I'll leave him a few francs when I leave," She said, before sitting on the bed next to him, tucking her feet under her.

Dexter rested his head on her shoulder, peering down at the two envelopes.

Satya used a butterknife from breakfast to tear through the first envelope that had her name and the hotel's address scrawled on it messily, "Let's see what Erskine and Saracen have been upto," She murmured before reading aloud.

 _"Dearest, Satya, my sweet, my saviour,"_ She laughed at that before continuing,  _"Our dearest Dexter Vex left us yesterday for you and we are heartbroken- So heartbroken that Erskine has managed to catch the flu and is as sick as a dog which is why I am taking over his duties on writing you letters."_

"Oh dear," Satya frowned. "Quit worrying, mother hen," Dexter said, looking up at her with a grin, "Erskine is a big boy."

Satya's lips turned up slightly and she slid an arm around Dexter neck to play with his hair, "My boys," She said fondly. Dexter relished in the tingles that her touch brought, turning his head down so she couldn't see his expression.

 _"Anton will be coming back for us later tonight and by the time you get this, we'll be back home. I managed to get chased by a man who claimed I had slept with his wife- complete nonsense of course, I actually slept with his sister-"_ Dexter snorted, shaking his head with a grin.  _"_

_-so it was probably about time we left town. Anyway, how goes it with you? Will you come back soon or will I have to join you in Casablanca? Lots of love, Saracen of the shrew."_

"Typical," Dexter commented, "The second I leave, one gets sick and the other gets chased by a jilted lover."

Satya laughed, resting her cheek on the top of his head as she opened up the second letter, this time with much neater and smooth writing. 

 _"Satya,"_ Skulduggery started,  _"I do hope you haven't kicked Dexter out of Casablanca yet."_ Dexter grinned at that.  _"If this reaches you before he does, then I humbly apologise in advance. It seemed like a good idea at the time- As do most things. There isn't much to report here. Ghastly has suddenly become swamped with orders for the Requiem Ball and has been an absolute bore to be around. It is a good thing he made our outfits almost a year ago. I would have to hate wearing something 'off the rack'. The Sanctuary has decided that the ball be held at Corrival Deuce's mansion. Hope to see you soon, Skulduggery."_

"It might just be me but Skulduggery sounds very bored," Dexter said with a snort. Satya laughed sitting up straight, "You don't say." She slipped off the bed and went to the ensuite where she began to brush her hair.

Dexter just sat lazily, watching her, thinking of the previous night.

They hadn't done anything that night. They kept walking through the streets, the empty bazaar and past the saloons till they reached her hotel. Dexter had kissed her on the cheek and was about to leave when she grasped his hand. "Stay?" She had whispered. He nodded and followed her. 

They just lay there together on her bed, still in their clothes, sharing a cigarette and a bottle of Whiskey until Dexter fell asleep. Satya had simply lay against him, resting her head on his chest and kept her eyes open, refusing to succumb to the power of sleep.

"You look like your head is about to explode," Satya called to him. He blinked, rubbing his eyes with a small yawn, "Just thinking," He said.

"About?"

Dexter shrugged, "Home, the Ball, everything?"

Satya leaned against the doorway of the bathroom, her hand resting on her hip, "Why so much thinking?"

"Someone has to between the two of us," He told her, "Seeing as you're not sleeping, I can't rely on you to think for us."

She pulled a face, tossing her brush at him. He caught it before it hit his head, a slight grin on his face.

"I was thinking about how almost a hundred years ago we were hiding in trenches, waiting for our deaths," Dexter said softly.

Satya swallowed, not saying anything but her eyes flickered and Dexter could see with a start, the black stone she wore around her neck on a chain - usually kept masked. She saw his eyes were on her neck and immediately the mask was back up and the necklace was gone.

"Remember Anton's birthday?" Dexter said with a laugh, pretending that nothing had happened, "The first time we ever saw that man smile."

"I remember telling Skulduggery when he came back," Satya said softly, "He didn't believe me when I told him."

"And that time Saracen ran off and seduced that man's wife," Dexter recalled one of the many times Saracen had done so. Satya smiled at that, "Dexter," She said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming."

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this chapter and then something happened and everything was gone. rip me.  
> Anyway, this is the last part. also this is 100% canon and gives insight on Satya's backstory yeeeet. Also, some inspiration from purplejabberwocky and amaraqwolf's fic.  
>  UPDATE: BY THE GRACE OF SOME GOD MY COMPUTER DIED AND WHEN I TURNED IT BACK ON AND WENT INTO MY CHROME HISTORY THE CHAPTER HAD SAVED HOLY SHIT

Satya and Dexter sat across each other in one of the cafes, sharing stories as the sipped their ice drinks under the shade from the hot sun of Casablanca. Satya wore a pencil beige pencil skirt, a ruffled white blouse tucked in along with a large floppy hat. He wore a suit and white shirt, his jacket strewn across the back of his chair as he leaned back, clearly relaxed.

"-and he told me that  _she_ was the one trying to seduce him," Dexter told her with a snort, shaking his head with a wide grin as he filled her in on the tales of his trip through Europe along with Erskine and Saracen.

Satya laughed, shaking her head as she sipped her wine, "It'll be a cold day in hell when Saracen turns down a woman," She claimed, her smile wide, "Remember the Butcher's wife? I think Anton's still doesn't realise what actually happened."

"And Saracen would like to keep it that way," Dexter told her, "I'd hate to think how Anton would react if he found out the truth."

Satya finished her wine. Dexter waved for the waiter, "Bill, please."

"Monsieur-" They looked up to see a small, jovial looking man rushing to them from the bar. He wore a white tuxedo and had a thick mustache, "Bonjour, Monsieur Vex and Madaam Eka- It is an honour to have you here!" He exclaimed with a wide grin.

"Um, hello?" Satya greeted with slight alarm, "How do you do?"

Dexter shared a startled look with her.

"My name is Dominic Light," The man greeted, "I worked with ze French prior to the collapse of the Sanctuary. I am very happy to have met you!" He looked very excited, like Christmas had come early.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir," Dexter said, shaking his hand, "Please, join us! Have a drink."

Dominic eagerly took a seat, kissing Satya's outstretched hand before waving for another round of drinks.

"Your name seems familiar," Satya said, "Were you working with the Australians on the evacuation projects by any chance?"

Dominic nodded, blushing slightly, "Yes, madaam. I was head of the evacuation in Europe when Mevolent set base in Ireland."

"That is impressive," Dexter commented, raising his glass to toast him, "You helped save hundreds of lives."

"Oh, no, no-" Dominic shook his head, "I was simply doing my duty."

"As we all were," Satya replied with a smile, "But what you did was truly heroic. I had contacts within the Sanctuary, I've heard the stories."

"Thank you," Dominic said, ducking his head slightly, "That means a lot coming from the Dead Men."

"I'm curious, what brings to you to Casablanca?" Dexter asked as he took of sip of his whiskey.

"I am running a cafe," Dominic gestured around, "I am housing some mortal refugees that are looking for exit visas to America. If I could, I would fund them but it is hard without drawing attention."

"Not much has changed then, huh?" Satya said with a laugh, "That is very noble of you. There aren't many mages that can be bothered to help the mortals."

"Ze way I see it-" Dominic said, "-is that we created these wars. There are rumours that the first mortal war was started by a mage- And even that Adolf Hitler is knowing about sorcerers!"

"I've heard that too," Dexter said with a nod, "But we cannot be sure. Last I heard, the British Sanctuary was looking into those rumours."

"Will you be in Ireland for the Requiem Ball, Dominic?" Satya asked, stirring her wine with her finger carefully. 

"I hope so," He answered with a nod, "I am very eager to meet some people that I haven't seen since the war ended."

"Likewise," Dexter said with a smile, "It seemed that when the end of the war came, everyone went back to throwing up borders and complaining."

Dominic laughed at this, "Indeed."

"Well, when you do find yourself in Ireland, please contact us," Satya said, "It would be wonderful to catch up again."

00000000000

Satya rested her head on Dexter's shoulder as they looked out from one of the Moroccan style-towers. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"It's nice to know there are still good people out there," She said quietly, "People who were fighting in the war because they genuinely wanted to help people. Not because they needed to run away or because there was nothing worth living for or because they were just generally fucked up people with baggage- but to genuinely help."

"Generally fucked up people with baggage," Dexter repeated, "Is that the new Dead Men slogan?"

Satya laughed at that, "It should be," She said, looking up at him with a grin. Her face was so close to his that he could almost kiss her. He could see the dark shadows under her eyes from the lack of sleep, count every eyelash and even feel her breath brush against his jaw slightly.

"We could get monogrammed shirts," She mused before looking away and Dexter almost let out a sigh as his heart slowed down.

The sun was setting and in the distance, Dexter could see the markets slowly packing away as the saloons turned on their lights, bands slowly filing in to prepare for the long night.

He felt Satya reach her arm up and hold onto his shoulder, stiffening slightly at her touch, luckily she didn't notice.

"Fucked up people with baggage," She repeated bitterly, "That's an understatement."

He kissed the top of her head, holding her tighter as she spoke, "I came here once before the French came. It was beautiful- Reminded me of home a little bit."

"Did I ever tell you about when I first came to Europe?" She asked.

"I've heard a mismatch of stories," He confessed, "Nothing concrete. I just know you met Ghastly's father in England and came with them to Ireland."

"I was running away," She murmured, "My father had made an alliance with the High Priest of the Necromancy temple." Dexter listened in apt fascination.

"I was to marry his son. Usually, the eldest would marry first but my sister was already studying with the Temple so I was the next best choice."

"So, you ran away."

"I ran away," She confirmed before shifting slightly and pulling out the necklace from underneath her blouse, "But I stole this from my husband-to-be's family."

Dexter recognised the necklace. It was perhaps the most mysterious part of Satya Eka. A piece of clear gem, wrapped in twine that hung from her neck, a necromancer object. He once asked Saracen about it, and he had told Dexter that because Satya had her Surge and become an Elemental, she could only summon a little of the death magic that the stone held. She usually kept it masked so he never actually got to see it clearly.

But now she held it up in the light, he could see something like black smoke - shadows - unfurling and curling in the gem.

"I managed to pay a teleporter to get me to England where I would look for work," Satya continued, tucking the necklace back under her shirt.

"And then you met Ghastly's father."

She nodded. 

"What happened to the alliance?" Dexter asked curiously.

Satya gave him a strange smile, "My father forced Mastani to leave the temple and marry the son. Once his father died and he took over she-" She mimed slitting her throat with her thumb.

Dexter stared at her for a moment, "Wow, okay. Your sister married and killed her husband, right."

Satya snorted, "She kicked everyone out of the temple and changed it to-"

"The temple of Kali," Dexter finished, nodding, "Yeah, I know this part. i just didn't realise the backstory."

"And that is the wonderful story of Satya Eka," She said with a flourish before tilting her head, "Not sure why I'm telling you all this now- We've known eachother for three centuries."

"It's my face," He told her, "It's very pretty."

Satya laughed as he twirled her around before placing a kiss on his cheek, "Come on, Rick's will be open soon."

Dexter blinked before nodding, "Right, yeah."

000000000000000

Dexter's eyes flickered open, blinking hard to readjust to the darkness. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up, careful not to wake the sleeping Satya beside him.

Wait.

_Sleeping?_

Last he remembered before he fell asleep, the woman had been sitting at the desk, penning letters back their friends back in Ireland. She must have finally given up on her anti-sleep movement.

Dexter carefully got out of the bed, watching to make sure she didn't wake before making his way to the bathroom and shutting the door. He yawned as he unzipped his pants, relieving himself before washing his hands, splashing his face with cold water. 

Suddenly, a scream pierced the silence of the night.

He blinked before wrenching open the door to reveal Satya sitting up on the bed, covers strewn as sobs wracked her body. She gagged, leaning over the bed and dry heaved, tears streaming down her face.

Dexter rushed to her, "Oh, Satya..." He murmured, wrapping an arm around her and rubbing her back soothingly.

Her whole body shuddered in response, her breathing uneven as she leaned against him for support. Dexter hugged her, pressing his lips against her hair, his eyes blinking closed.

Her sobs turned to small hiccups eventually and within minutes, Dexter is sure she has gone back to sleep.

"Dexter?" Okay, perhaps not.

"Yeah?" He replied quietly.

She raised her head slightly to look up at him, her eyes slightly wet with tears. 

"Yeah?" He repeated, his voice failing him slightly.

Satya swallowed before leaning up slightly, pushing her lips against his.

Her lips were cold against his, slightly salty with tears. He could feel his heart speed up. His body tingling.

And it was all he had ever wanted in  _years._

But he pulled away, "Satya- Not like this, please," He whispered, "I won't take advantage of you like this." Not when you've just woken yourself up from a nightmare about your husband and son dying.

"Please, Dexter-" She whispered, her eyes brimming, "I need  _something."_

He could feel his heart tear in two.

A distraction.

Fine.

And he gave it to her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.


	8. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valkyrie reveals her costume at the annual Halloween party the Sanctuary throws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I KNOW I SAID I'D FOCUS ON THE FIC BUT THIS WAS INSPIRED BY A Q&A DEREK APPARENTLY DID ON TWITTER

"That girl is always late," Dexter commented, shaking his head as he adjusted his sleeves, his hat dipping low. He had dressed as Indiana Jones, a fake gun in its holster, his sleeves folded up to his elbows.

"It's a woman thing," Erskine replied before yelping in pain, "Hey!"

Satya glared at him, "Don't you dare, Ravel," She warned before tucking a stray hair behind her ear, "I still can't believe you still refuse to dress up, Skul."

Skulduggery looked up from his phone. He was leaning against the Bentley, dressed in his signature Bespoke-made suit, hat dipped low. "I'm a walking, talking skeleton," He said dryly, "What more could you possibly want?"

"Just pull out one of those suits from the 1700s," Ghastly added, "That's costume enough."

"You made those suits," Robin piped up in confusion, sliding down from the hood of Satya's car. 

"And I regret that everyday," Ghastly nodded solemnly.

Saracen snorted at that, shaking his head with a grin. He sat in the the passenger's seat of Satya's Porsche, his legs hanging out the open door. He had dressed as Dracula, to the amusement of the the group, his hair slicked back.

The seven of them stood in the parking lot of the Sanctuary, waiting in the warm summer night air for Valkyrie. 

"If she's not here in five minutes, I'm going in," Robin said, "I didn't spend an hour on my make-up for nothing."

He had dressed as an elf from Lord of the Rings, his hair braided back and a bow and quiver hanging off his back.

"Now, now." They all turned as they heard the newcomer's voice, a familiar voice.

"Oh, I think not," Skulduggery said very slowly, "I don't think so, Valkyrie."

Satya simply burst into laughter, her gold wreath almost falling off as she keeled over in a fit.

Because who had joined the party?

Valkyrie Cain.

Or more specifically, Valkyrie Cain in a suit with a skull painted on her face.

"Oh, come on, Skulduggery," She said with a wide grin, "We're twins."

"No," He said, "You're too short."

"This is gold," Saracen said with a wide grin, his fake vampire teeth glinting, "I can't wait to see what everyone else says."

"I'm going home," Skulduggery announced, "I refused to be seen with-" he waved a hand at Valkyrie, "This."

"Aw," Satya hooked her arm through his, looking very much like the goddess she had dressed as, "Don't be like that, Skul." She began leading him towards the entrance. His shoulders had slumped in defeat.

Robin fist-bumped Valkyrie with a wide grin, "Nice one."

"Thanks."

"I can't believe none of us came up with that," Robin complained, swinging an arm around her, "Truly inspired."

"Well, you lot are always going on about how I'm becoming too much like you guys," She replied, her eyes shining against the black paint around them, "So, why not become the most dead man to ever Dead Men?"

Robin wiped a mock tear, "We've taught her well."


	9. Before the War Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Ghastly, Satya and Skulduggery came to be- A mini fic that is canon in my universe.

Ardan Ó Ceallaigh stumbled into the dark alleyway, trembling in pain. He was slick with sweat. Blood coated his fingers as he pressed them hard against his abdomen where the sword had impaled him just minutes ago.

He gritted his teeth as he pulled the blouse up to try and look at the wound properly, running his fingers over the wound lightly to feel for the extent of the wound. He let out a soft groan in pain.

"Who's there?" He froze, holding his breath.

"I know your there," The voice continued, "There's no use sneaking around, you might as well just ask for bread."

Ardan didn't reply, just stood still, holding his breath with the hope that the person just left.

After a few moments of silence, he heard the click of fingers and the alley was bathed in light.

He let out a small gasp as there stood a young man, who looked his age, standing against a door into the workshop Ardan had taken refuge behind. But what had made Ardan gasp was the small ball of flame that sat in the stranger's hand and the red scars that covered his bald head. 

"You're hurt," The man said, blinking before rushing forwa0rd, "Come on-"

Ardan fell against him but tried to push him away, "No- I can't-"

"Don't be stupid," The other snapped, dispelling the flame, "I can stitch you up. I don't want a dead person hiding behind my workshop- It's bad for business."

Ardan relented and he limped towards the door, wincing at every movement. 

The scarred man opened the door and helped him into the room.

The warmth of the room engulfed Ardan. He almost stumbled in his shock.

"Over here-" The man helped him over to one of the work benches, shoving aside three rolls of fabric and some scissors. Ardan hopped onto it, wincing in pain.

"Here. Wrap this around and apply pressure," The man gave him a long scrap of cloth, "I'll be back in a minute."

Ardan said nothing, taking the cloth and wrapping it around his abdomen and tightening it so hard that he had to gasp for breath.

The man disappeared into the workshop. 

"Ghastly!" He froze as he heard a woman calling. "Ghastly- Where the hell are you?!"

Ardan heard a door open behind some shelves and was about to slide off the bench to try and hide but was too late.

"You're not Ghastly." The woman stepped into his sight and almost took his breath away. She was beautiful with dark skin and brown locks that framed her angular face. She was tall and had bright eyes that were looking at him with a raised eyebrow."

She looked him up and down, "You're not ghastly  _at all,_ " She said with a smile slowly pricking up. 

Ardan swallowed, his eyes wide like a deer that had been caught.

"How did you get in here?" She asked, eyeing the wound before meeting his eyes.

"That man- the one with scars- brought me in from the alley," He replied hesitantly.

"Ah," She nodded, "He and his father seem to have a habit of taking in strays." 

"Like you, you mean?" The man had returned with a small case. 

"Exactly like me," The woman replied before going closer to Ardan, "What happened to you?" She asked him, "May I?" He nodded and she lifted his shirt before hissing through her teeth.

"Lie down," The man ordered. 

"Ghastly- Shall I call Aoife?" The woman asked.

The man- Ghastly- shook his head, "Don't bother. I think I can work my way around a needle."

The woman took the bottle of alcohol that was in his scarred hand and poured some onto a cloth, "This will hurt," She warned Ardan.

oooooooooooo

Ardan's eyes flickered open. He let out a breath before sitting up, holding his hand to his abdomen, anticipating the pain that never came.

"Good, you're awake."

He turned sharply before letting out a yelp of surprise. The woman who had helped Ghastly fix him up was sitting in a chair by his bed, resting her head on her hand, her other hand wrapped around a glass of red wine.

"How long was I asleep?" He asked, inspecting the clean white bandage that was wrapped around his abdomen.

"Three days."

He blinked, staring at her.

"I'm Satya," She introduced herself, "Probably should have introduced myself before I knocked you out."

"I'm Ardan Ó-" He stopped before clearing his throat, "Ardan."

"Is that your taken or given name?" Satya asked curiously.

"I don't understand what you mean."

"Every sorcerer has three names, your given name from birth, the name you choose to protect yourself and your true name," Satya explained, "Satya was the name I chose."

"It's my given name," He answered after a moment, "You can do magic too?"

She tilted her head with a smile, "Yes, of course. I'm assuming you do to."

He nodded before slowly reaching out a hand and snapping his fingers. A small flame appeared in his palm, "I had to run away because the village thought I was a witch."

"Ah," Satya's smile widened, "A village boy, I thought so. You don't look like you're from around here- the city, I mean."

"You're not either," He noted.

"How can you tell?"

"You have an Irish accent but it's obvious you're not from around here," Ardan said hesitantly, "You have a light accent that's affecting the way you some sounds. You have a natural accent but you're trying to hide it. I'd say you've been here for a few years- No longer than five."

Satya's eyebrow raised, clearly impressed, "Not bad," She commented, "You're right. I came to Ireland four years ago from India. I was running, like you."

"What do you do here?" He asked curiously, "Are you a servant or-" He stopped when she snorted, "What?"

"Definitely not a servant," She said with a small laugh, "Ghastly's father found me in England and brought me here. They're practically family."

"Where am I?" He asked, switching the subject.

She offered him a shirt which he took gratefully, "Our home. It's just next to the tailor shop."

"What kinds of magic is there?" He asked eagerly, "I've been able to use fire and water but that's it-"

Satya laughed, "Calm down, there will be plenty of time for your questions. Aren't you hungry?"

Right on queue, Ardan's stomach growled.


	10. Before the War Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas Leser and the predicament that is Satya Eka.

Jonas Leser opened the door to Bespoke's Tailor Shop, fiddling with the pocket watch that he had picked up at one of the market stalls. It was broken, according to the stall owner and didn't have any reservations to giving it to Jonas for free.

"One moment!" He heard a woman call. He waited by the doorway for a moment before a woman walked in from behind a large shelf.

"Good morning, Jonas," Satya Eka greeted with a small smile, "I didn't think Elijah was expecting you today."

"He wasn't," Jonas said quickly, stowing the pocket watch in one of his front pockets, "I- Uh..." He flushed slightly under her curious gaze, "I may have set one of my tailcoats on fire?"

Satya let out a small laugh, shaking her head, "Was it one of your experiments? The one were you were tracing the fire in an elemental?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jonas blinked, "How did you know?"

Satya looked down at the book in her hands, not meeting his gaze as she tossed it aside on one of the worktables, "I stopped by yesterday after I went to the markets. Your mother had some vegetables to be delivered so I thought I would do it."

"Oh," Jonas said blankly. He wasn't sure but was she blushing? Probably not.

"Elijah!" Satya called, "Jonas needs a new tailcoat!" To Jonas she said with a teasing grin, "Perhaps a 'special' one that doesn't burst into flames."

An older man bustled into the front room. Elijah was an older mortal, his face and hands lined with age.

"Jonas, hello," He greeted with a tired smile before turning to his foster daughter, "Satya- My joints are far too creaky today. Would you mind terribly if you took Jonas today?"

Satya frowned, "Where's your devil spawn?" She asked.

"Ghastly's run off with Skulduggery- Something about a case that came up," Elijah told her, rubbing his hands tiredly.

"Of course he has," Satya muttered, "Tell him he's to go to the market tomorrow in my stead tomorrow since he decided to neglect you."

Elijah smiled, his eyes crinkling, "Thank you, darling."

"Go home," She ordered, "Rest."

Elijah walked out through a door to the main house behind one of the shelves.

"Come on, then," Satya gestured. Jonas followed her to the back room, for some reason his heart had started thud a bit harder in his chest.

Satya grabbed a roll of measuring tape off one of the shelves as they entered the workroom.

Jonas stepped onto a pedestal, standing awkwardly as Satya pulled out some paper, searching for a quill and a pot of ink.

He slipped his hand into his pocket, feeling for the pocket watch.

"What are you thinking about?"

He blinked, "How did you know I was thinking?"

Satya smiled, taking his hand and wrapping the measuring tape around his wrist tightly, "You're Jonas Leser, you're always thinking."

Jonas felt a slight jolt when she said his name. He never noticed before, but she was one of the few people that said his name properly, the right vowels and stretches.

"Well?"

"Uh..." He pulled out the pocket watch, "Just fiddling with this."

Satya glanced at it before measuring his forearm, "Broken?"

"Yes, but..." He trailed off, lifting it slightly to look through the clock face, "I was going to just fix it but these may be the right sized parts for this other project I'm working on."

"Which is?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy," Jonas confessed. 

"Have you met the two boys I run around with?" Satya asked him, flicking the tape over his head to measure the collar, "Nothing is crazy to me."

"Clockwork people."

Satya stopped, looking up at him with surprise, "Wow."

"It's a ridiculous notion, I know."

"No, it's not, really," She informed him, resuming her measurements. She shimmied the tape down around his waist, "If anyone would be able to do it, it would be you."

Jonas swallowed, suddenly aware of how close she was to him. 

"Raise your arm." He did as asked and she began measuring the width of his arms, noting down measurements every now and then.

"So, these clockwork people," Satya started, "Would they all look as pretty as you?"

Jonas blinked, "Are you... _flirting_ with me?" Colour had filled his cheeks.

"She has been for the past six months, thank you for finally noticing."

He jolted as two men walked into the workroom.

"About damn time," Satya grumbled, tossing the tape aside, "I was supposed to be picking up some books."

"Where's Father?" Ghastly Bespoke asked, taking the paper that Satya had been writing on, "Hello, Jonas."

"Hello, Ghastly, Skulduggery," He greeted, nodding towards the man who had first spoken.

"He went back to rest, his joints were aching," Satya told Ghastly who had pulled off his coat, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his muscular arms.

"You were off by 3 millimeters for the cuff size," He told her.

She pulled a face at him, "Since you decided to run off with this one-" She waved a hand at Skulduggery Pleasant who was sitting on one of the worktables leisurely, stretched out like a cat, "-you'll be going to the markets tomorrow and working. You can't leave Elijah on his own."

"We're working on a case," Ghastly told her, "I can't."

"Too bad," Satya shot back, "I have things to do and I can't keep filling in while you two go off gallivanting."

"You could always join us," Skulduggery commented.

"Shut it, you," Satya told him, "I have no interest in running off in sewers."

"That was one time," Skulduggery informed her, reaching over and dropping his hat on her head, "Besides, unless you know anyone who can join me in sneaking into a brothel to chase up a lead then I'm afraid I cannot let go of my dearest Ghastly Bespoke."

Jonas watched as Satya glared at Skulduggery before sighing, taking off the hat and tossing it at him, "Fine- Take my damn brother. But you better bring me back something that's worth my time."

"We're going to a brothel, what could you possibly want?" Ghastly commented, placing two rolls of fabric on the table next to Jonas, "Which one?"

Jonas pointed at the darker hue of blue fabric and Ghastly nodded approvingly.

"Oh, I don't know," Skulduggery said, "Perhaps Jonas would look quite nice in one of those frilly transparent dresses."

Jonas' eyes widened. 

"Oh, don't tease him, Skulduggery," Ghastly said, "It's not his fault he has been completely unaware of the fact that Satya has been trying to bed him for past year."

"That's a complete lie," Satya exclaimed. Jonas had turned completely red, spluttering in indignation.

"I hate you both," She pointed at Ghastly and Skulduggery, "Forget it. You can run your own damn business." With that she walked out.

"Oh, come on, Satya!" Ghastly called after her, "We were just teasing!"

"Fuck you!" And after a moment, "And apologise to Jonas!" Then she was gone.

"Our sincerest apologies, Jonas," Skulduggery said formerly, straightening up for his lounging position, "We never meant to put you in an uncomfortable position."

"I-Uh-" Jonas blinked, ducking his head, "I don't know what to say?"

"There's nothing to say," Skulduggery said, running a hand through his hair, "Our dear sister has been spending more time than usual flirting and visiting you. What made it more amusing is that you never noticed but alas, that never stopped her."

Now that Jonas thought about it, Satya did take her time to stop by. She would drop off her mothers orders from the markets, regularly braving the long staircase to his attic to see what he was working on and if he had any books to steal.

"And the penny drops."

oooooooooo

"Jonas?"

Jonas snapped to attention as his younger sister walked into the room, "Ingevild?" He blinked, "What time is it?"

"It's past midnight," Ingevild replied, pulling a chair up next to him and sitting down, "What are you doing?"

Jonas put down the tweezers he was holding, pulling his spectacles away from his nose and rubbing his eyes tiredly, "Just trying to pull apart this pocket watch."

"Fun."

After a moment, Jonas hesitantly spoke, "Ingevild, am I clueless?"

His sister's eyes widened at surprised. "Depends on what we're talking about," She said carefully, "You're the smartest person I know but you can... miss a few things."

"Such as the fact that Satya Eka has been flirting with me for the past half year or so?"

Ingevild cleared her throat, "Oh, yes.  _That."_

"Well, this is just getting ridiculous," Jonas exclaimed, "I don't understand. She flirts with many people- Skulduggery Pleasant, especially. Why do I miss it?"

"Ah, brother," Ingevild stood, her bare feet thudding against the wooden floors, "Perhaps that is for you to find out."

ooooooooooo

"Going to the markets?"

Satya wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, "As I do every Monday," She said.

"See if you hear anything about the Church," Aoife, Ghastly's mother, said, "I saw something in my dreams."

"Ever specific, darling Aoife," Skulduggery said, tapping his fingers against the armrest of his chair. He was reading the newspaper intently, flicking through for something Satya wasn't sure what he was looking for.

Aoife clicked her tongue, wrapping her bandages around her knuckles carefully, "Mark my words, boy, something is coming."

"I believe you," He replied, his eyes sharpening before he lurched to his feet, "Well, I'll be damned!" 

"What?" Satya asked in confusion, "What is it?"

"Sorry, Satya, my dear," He said, lifting her arm and threading it through his, "No market going today, we have a case to solve."

"Oh for god's sake-"

ooooooooooo

"How exactly did you come across this?!" Jonas exclaimed, raising the gun to eye level. It wasn't an ordinary gun. It had some sort of mechanism where the the trigger was pulled, releasing a long dagger. "The craftsmanship is amazing."

 "I thought you'd like it," Satya said, flipping through one of the journals on the shelf, "Found it while running around with Skulduggery. Belonged to someone who was trying to smuggle werewolves into Dublin through the port."

"Can I...?" He gestured to the gun helplessly. Satya gave a tinkling laugh that made his heart thud happily, "Well, I didn't bring it to you so you could admire it from afar."

Jonas grinned and immediately went to work.

After about half an hour, he let out a sound.

"What happened?" Satya asked in alarm. She sat up from the armchair that was tucked in the corner.

"I managed to get to the locking bolt," He told her, "Just as I thought, it has a signature."

Satya came over, resting against the worktable, facing him, her eyebrows furrowed as he explained animatedly.

"Most manufacturers are so conceited when they have a work of art, they can't help leaving a signature," Jonas said, handing her his spectacles, "Take a look."

She took them and held them to her eyes and peered at the mechanism, " ~~~~Can we track the manufacturers from this?"

He took back the specs, "Perhaps- But this should help narrow it down to sorcerer led companies. I highly doubt that a mortal would create this."

"You never know," Satya replied with a shrug, "People can surprise you."

Jonas looked up at her before immediately looking down, colour flooding his cheeks. She looked absolutely breathtaking in the candlelight. Stray hairs had fallen from her bun and were framing her face. 

"I- Uh-" He looked back up at her to find her smiling in amusement. He cleared his throat, "What?"

Satya shook her head slightly, "Nothing," She said, but her lips will still turned up in amusement.

"Well, I- Uh-" He rubbed his forehead nervously.

"Jonas," She said softly.

He looked back up at her, "Yes?" He asked.

Satya reached for him, placing two fingertips under his chin, lifting his face towards her before leaning down and kissing him.


	11. Before the War Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah's mortality was going to catch up with him eventually.

Satya could feel her heart thudding in her chest painfully as she gently ran her fingers over Elijah's wrinkled hand. She gently kissed his knuckle before stroking it, resting her head against his bed, letting out a sigh.

He had been ill for days. The flu that he had come down with during the harsh winter was cruel and unforgiving, claiming the mortal.

It was easy to forget he was not like them. Elijah had been so intertwined into their lives that it was hard to remember that he would die while they were still young and able. 

Ghastly sat by his father's other side, his fingers threaded through Elijah's, his eyes grim. Aoife sat at the foot of the bed, rubbing her husband's feet soothingly as she murmured prayers under her breath, to Kali, to Thanatos, to anyone who the power to spare her love.

Skulduggery was silent, standing by the doorway, his head dipped low, his hands tapping against his thigh in a nervous beat.

Suddenly, Elijah gave a racking cough sending Satya to his side in a heartbeat, raising his head gently. She shared a grave look with Ghastly, noting the sound of water in the old man's lungs.

"Satya-"

She took his hand again, "I'm here, Elijah," She whispered, pressing her lips to his hand gently.

He closed his eyes, lying back down. His wrinkled skin seemed to smooth as he rested his head.

"I remember the day I saw you," He whispered, his voice breathless and hoarse, "Such a brave girl."

"And you were my knight in shining armor," She whispered back jokingly.

"You have made me so proud," Elijah murmured, "I've watched you grow into such a strong, beautiful woman and I couldn't be any prouder to call you my daughter." He gave another racking cough, his entire body shaking, "Tell Jonas that I-"

Satya's eyes watered, a sob in her throat, "Don't speak like this, Elijah," She begged, cutting him off.

"He is a good man, he cares for you," He finished before coughing, his entire body trembling at the effort. "Ghastly," He croaked.

Ghastly squeezed his hand gently, "Yes, father?" He murmured, swallowing hard.

"Take care of my girls, alright?" Elijah asked him, "You have a strong will like your mother and the heart and bravery of a lion. You will need it in whatever your mother has seen."

"Of course," Ghastly whispered.

"You have become such an accomplished man," Elijah told him, his voice failing him slightly, "And I will watch over you with the pride of a man who knows he raised his son well."

Ghastly pressed a kiss to his father's hand in response, his eyes welling with tears.

Satya's shoulders trembled as she sobbed.

"Aoife?" Elijah called, his eyes opening slightly. Satya stood, backing into Skulduggery's outstretched arms so Aoife could take her husband's hand, "I'm here, my darling," She said quietly, her face wet with tears but she kept her calm demeanor for her husband's sake. 

"You are more beautiful than the day I laid eyes on you," Elijah said, his eyes crinkling in a true smile.

"Why, thank you," Aoife replied with a smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"We knew this day would come, my love," He said quietly, turning his head slightly to meet her eyes, "I have cherished every moment we had together."

"And I will continue to cherish them," She replied, a tear falling onto the pillow.

Skulduggery rested his head atop Satya's, his tears falling freely into her hair. She sobbed into his shoulder.

"Skulduggery?" Elijah called.

"I'm here, Elijah," He answered him, not moving an inch.

"Take care of my family," Elijah said, his eyes never leaving Aoife's, "They will need you."

"I owe you so much, Elijah," Skulduggery whispered, "I won't let you down."

"Then I can go in peace," Elijah said in contentment, his eyes flicking to his son's face.

"My love," Aoife whispered, a mangled sob leaving her as she cradled his face with surprising gentleness for a strong woman.

"Sing for me, Satya?" Elijah asked gently.

Satya let out a shaky breath before pulling away from Skulduggery and taking her place at the foot of the bed and after a few starts she began to sing an old indian  _loli,_ her voice carrying on into the night, leading the old man to rest.

\------------

Jonas waited in the parlor, his head down and hat in his hand. He raised his head as he heard footsteps.

"Satya," He greeted when he saw her before blinking, "What happened? I heard Elijah was ill- I came as soon as I heard."

Satya held herself against the doorway like she needed strength to keep herself up.

Then realisation hit him. "Oh, gods no- Satya, I'm so sorry-" He stepped towards her, suddenly unsure of what to do. Thankfully she stepped towards him and she embraced him.

Jonas wrapped her arms around her, holding her against him gently. 

"He was a great man," He whispered, "I'm sorry for your loss."

Satya pulled away after a moment, wiping her tears away quickly, "Thank you," She said. 

Jonas watched her, fidgeting with his sleeve slightly, "I should come by later," He said quietly, "I'll bring my mother, she will want to pay her respects."

Satya nodded, her eyes tired as they met his, "Thank you for coming," She said, "I really do appreciate it." She tucked her hair behind her ear. Her hair bun had come undone, rebellious strands framing her face. She had dark circles under her eyes, from both the lack of sleep and her tears but still, she managed to look beautiful.

He bowed his head, "I'll take my leave then," He whispered, his fingers slipping into pocket and wrapping around the cool metal of his fobwatch.

He began to walk past before hesitating, ducking his head slightly and pressing a kiss to her cheek. She closed her eyes, a stray tear falling down her cheek. He gently wiped it away with a shaky finger before cradling her face and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. She grasped his arm before letting go and he stepped away and within moments, was gone.

\-----------

Elijah's absence in the next few months was like a cold spot that the household could not shake.

Ghastly worked alone in the tailorship, hardly ever going out on his little adventures with Skulduggery, instead sitting and stitching together fabrics in the magical, Bespoke way of his.

The detective took to working alone, running around Dublin to solve his cases without his brother-in-arms, choosing instead to fill the tailor in on what he missed at the end of the day.

Satya took to reading, pouring over books that Aoife's visitors would bring her, assisting Jonas' in his quest to create the automaton. She would have notes scribbled between pages, crammed between lines and images.

Jonas' would look at them and blink, "A monster, I have created!" He exclaimed one day with a wide grin before kissing her on the forehead and taking the book from her after a long day at the repair shop. She would just reply with a sad smile.

Aoife began having more vivid and terrible visions after Elijah's death and she began taking meetings with Sanctuary officials in hushed tones, confiding with the three after the old grumpy men would leave the house.

Whispers and rumours about the Faceless Church soon filled every sorcerer's home and the threat of war was soon upon them when a man called Mevolent began to speak publicly about his gods.

But these were just rumours, and Aoife's visions weren't expecting conflict for years.

In fact, the first vision to come true didn't happen till a year after Elijah's death.

Satya was sitting in the drawing room, taking tea with Aoife - who for some damn reason, wouldn't stop fidgeting, a sly smirk on her face.

"What?!" Satya finally exclaimed, putting down her teacup.

"Hold on," Aoife said knowingly, holding up a finger.

Satya shook her head, patting down her dress and picking up her teacup.

"Mister Leser is here, ma'am." Satya blinked in surprise.

"Of course, let him in," Aoife said with a smile.

Jonas walked in, looking extremely pale. His spectacles were tucked in his pocket and his fingers were tucked in a pocket, a habit Satya knew meant he was fiddling with the fob watch, sick with nerves.

"Jonas," Satya greeted with slight confusion, "I thought you were going to be away till tomorrow?"

"I-" He swallowed, awkwardly shuffling.

"Oh, go on, Jonas," Aoife prompted. Satya glanced at her momentarily, confused at the woman's excited tone.

"I-" He cleared his throat, meeting Satya's eyes for the first time since walking into the room, "I came to ask you to marry me," He blurted out.

Satya's eyes widened and she gaped before looking at Aoife who was grinning like a madwoman, "Damn you, Aoife."

 


	12. Before the War Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the war- No, the war has begun.

Satya rested her head on the window pane, a small but tired smile on her lips as she watched the hunched man on his knees as he observed whatever the young boy held up to him in his cupped hands.

She shrugged off her coat, dropping it on the arm of one of the chairs in the sitting room before calling, "Look who's home!"

The two looked up and their faces brightened.

"Mummy!" The boy got to his feet, running towards her with a wide smile on his face.

Satya swept the boy into her arms, peppering his face with kisses. The boy giggled, shaking his face to get away from her.

Satya left one last raspberry on his cheek before putting him down, "Oh, look at this mess," She chided, dusting the mud off her dress, "I do hope you plan on bathing before dinner?"

"Bjorn," Jonas Leser called, getting to his feet and making his way over, "Why don't you go and find your present for your mother?"

Satya's eyes followed her son as he ran off, "Watch the carpet!" She called with a laugh, before shaking her head and turning to Jonas, "Lord, I've missed you," She said with a smile, reaching for him.

He embraced her with a small smile, kissing her gently. Satya ran her fingers over the stubble on his jaw before pulling away, leaving him one more kiss, "What have I missed?" She asked. 

Jonas pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I'll tell you all, later, darling," He murmured, "But Bjorn has been eagerly waiting for you."

Satya nodded, giving him one last kiss before pulling away and following her son's path, "Bjorn! Where are you hiding?"

She was met with giggles.

00000000000

"Thank you," Satya took the small mug of spiced milk from Jonas before sitting down next to him, tucking her feet under her while leaning against him.

Jonas pressed a kiss to her forehead, wrapping an arm around her. 

"This is gorgeous," Satya murmured, flipping through the book Bjorn had stuffed into her hands earlier that day. The book had a thick leather cover with her name embedded on the front four times, in two languages, English and Hindi.

"He wouldn't let me help- I couldn't even touch it," Jonas said with a laugh.

Satya rested her fingers on one of the pages where the boy's scribbles of his father's designs covered the parchment, "He's going to be just like you," She said with a smile.

Jonas reached for the book, flipping to a different page, "He's started creating a language," He told her, "For the automatons."

Satya's eyebrows furrowed as she dissected the six year old's writing, "To speak to them?"

Jonas shrugged, "Well, I have to actually finish the whole thing first," He said, his tone almost bitter.

Satya shut the book, laying it gently on the table before turning to place a kiss on his cheek, "You'll get to it, darling," She told him before sighing, "I feel terrible- You'd have more time to work on it if it weren't for me-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Satya," He chided, resting his hand on her arm, "You're fighting for our country. I understand-"

"I'm fighting a war that hasn't even begun," Satya said in annoyance, "I see more of the Sanctuary than I do my own home- More of Skulduggery than I do my own son and husband!"

Jonas shook his head, "Satya- You know I don't mind," He said gently, "Bjorn is a good bye and I adore him. I simply get to teach him and in the evenings he helps me with my little jobs- You don't have to worry so."

Satya was still unsure, biting her lip. Jonas shook his head, offering her a smile before kissing her gently and pulling her against him, "Now, tell me what news."

Satya picked up her mug, bringing it to her lips before speaking, "Most of Europe has joined our side in support. The East and Africa have offered their support- as they should as Cradles- but Brazil has chosen to be neutral once there is more  _'concrete proof'._ " She pulled a face, "India has pledged their support but they can't speak for the temples."

Jonas tilted his head as she took a sip of her milk, "Do you think the Necromancers will join the fight?"

"You mean, do you think my sister will join the fight?"

Jonas shrugged helplessly.

Satya sighed, "I don't think so. She wanted the Temple to be a place of refuge, I doubt she'll join a war," She said, "But we can't be sure about the necromancers here. Solomon Wreath managed to pass on a message claiming that the Irish temple of Necromancy will be neutral but if the rumours are true and Mevolent truly did come from that temple, then they'll need to be watched."

"Has Aoife had anymore visions?"

"No, but Cassandra Pharos claims she saw a vision of the first attack on Dublin, a few months from now," Satya said after a moment of silence, "I didn't want to tell you until we confirmed it tomorrow. We may have to..." She trailed off.

"Leave Dublin?" Jonas said, finishing her sentence. Satya nodded glumly before putting false happiness into her voice, "But I'll be home for weeks until we have to," She said, turning to him with a smile, "Maybe even months."

Jonas smiled at that, his eyes sad but accepted her kiss, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

They spent the next few hours in each others' arms, occasionally prompting a small conversation before drifting off again into silence. Jonas began tracing patterns on her arms as she leaned against him, reading through her son's gift intently.

Eventually, Jonas supposed aloud that they should probably go to bed. 

It was an hour after this when Satya lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling of their bedroom, willing sleep to come.

She heard a short thud and froze, her fingers tense, ready to spark a flame. Then she heard the door creak open.

"Ma?"

Satya relaxed and she slowly sat up, snapping her fingers to form a spark of flame in her palm, revealing Bjorn who stood in the doorway.

"Darling, what's wrong?" She asked, cupping the flame.

"Couldn't sleep," He said groggily, rubbing his eyes.

Satya reached for the candle on the nightstand, lighting it and dispelling the flame in her palm, "Want to sleep with me tonight?"

Bjorn nodded, his messy brown hair shaking into his eyes and he made his way to her.

"Shift over, Jonas," Satya murmured into her husband's ear, kissing his cheek gently, "The prince has decided to join us."

Jonas groaned, but moved over.

Satya kissed her son's head as she picked him up and nestling him between Jonas and herself.

"Papa- Cuddles," The boy ordered, his voice hoarse with tiredness. Satya giggled, poking him in the stomach before wrapping her around him, "Yes, Papa- Cuddles!"

Jonas let out a muffled groan before engulfing Bjorn with both arms, "It is far too late-" He exclaimed, "Sleep."

Satya met his gaze for a moment, a small smile on her lips. He looked at her, his eyes tired but happy, glad to have his small family back together again, even if it was only for a few weeks at most. She raised her hand and snapped her fingers, dispelling the flame.

"Goodnight, darling."

"Goodnight, Mummy, Papa."

 


	13. The Beautiful and the Hideous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghastly Bespoke and China Sorrows have a strange encounter or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT set in my AU. Satya does not exist, Hopeless and Robin are dead etc etc. 
> 
> This is set while Skulduggery is in the alternate reality and is inspired by a post on tumblr and is compliant with actual canon.

"Talk about a face only a mother could love."

Ghastly closed his eyes, counting down from ten mentally before dumping the bag of bread into his cart. 

"I mean-" The man continued trying to whisper - but failing - to his mate, "How does someone get that ugly?"

Ghastly carried on shopping, heading to the aisle where the cereals were, grabbing a couple of the ones that Valkyrie liked, and to his annoyance, the man with the loud opinions followed.

"Look at him- Buying kids cereal. Maybe he's mentally fucked up too-  _Holy shit."_

Ghastly resisted the urge to turn around but then suddenly he felt a hand rest on his shoulder.

He turned suddenly to see the most beautiful woman on this planet.

"Darling, there you are!" China Sorrows exclaimed with a heartbreaking smile, "I must have lost you in the cold section."

Ghastly blinked, spotting the two men who were talking shit about him by the end of the aisle, staring wide eyed at them.

China winked at him, dropping a carton of milk into his trolley and walking ahead, her heels clicking against the floor as she headed towards the check out. She seemed so out of place here, a goddess in a trashy place of mortals.

"Gentlemen," She nodded at the two men, sending them smiles that cursed them dumbfounded.

Ghastly swallowed down a chuckle, following China like he had some clue of what was happening.

\----------

"What on earth was  _that?_ " He finally exclaimed once they were outside the supermarket.

"What do you mean?" She replied, raising an eyebrow, "I was just helping out an acquaintance."

"Have you even been in a grocery store before?" Ghastly asked jokingly, pulling out his car keys.

"Gods, no," China said, pulling a face that still seemed graceful, "I think I may need to take a bath or two. I much prefer having people do that for me."

Ghastly shook his head at that, opening his boot and putting his groceries in there, "Sometimes you have to walk with the peasants."

"Indeed." After a moment, China spoke again, "How's Valkyrie?"

Ghastly was silent for a second before answering, "In a frenzy. She hasn't slept properly in weeks," He said before sighing, "Hasn't spent time with her family properly either. It's not healthy."

China let out a bitter laugh, "She won't rest until Skulduggery is back with us," She told him before taking a step back, "Stop by sometime," She said as she began walking away, "I'll see if I can create a mask of some sort."

Ghastly was left stunned.

China Sorrows doing something not for selfish reasons? Unheard of.

\----------

The next time the two met was at a function. It was by complete coincidence that the two were invited, seeing as they ran in very different circles when it came to mortals.

It was a dinner party, hosted by an accountant, of all things, who Ghastly knew through another mortal tailor. 

China didn't know the accountant at all. She had just been invited because she lived next door to his office and he thought she was beautiful.

See, being extra ordinarily beautiful meant many things. For one, people were more likely to give you want you wanted, certain luxuries were always presented to you.

But the worst part of being supernaturally pretty was the fact that every single damn person wanted to marry you.

China sipped on her glass of wine, tapping her fingers against the flute boredly as a small, sniveling man presented a poem to her, claiming that he would travel through ice and fire for her.

Another was trying to boast of his achievements in the business sector.

"China- There you are, darling."

She blinked out of her bored daze to see Ghastly Bespoke standing behind the two men, in all his muscular and scarred glory.

"Excuse me," He said, nodding politely to the two men who suddenly looked angry and furious at the interruption, "My wife and I have to return home, something urgent came up."

"Gentlemen," China nodded in goodbye with a sly smile, walking to Ghastly and slipping her arm through the tailor's.

As they walked away, China murmured, "Wife? You wish, Bespoke."

"In my experience, men are more likely to drop the subject if you're signed to someone else," Ghastly informed her, "Especially if you're signed to a boxer type."

"That sounds like advice that I would get from Rue," She replied, taking her coat.

Ghastly helped her put it on with a laugh, "You're not wrong," He said.

They walked in silence into the cool air until they got to her apartment block. "Well, till the next time you need something from me," China said in farewell.

"Until then," He dipped his hat, "Goodnight, China."

"Goodnight, Bespoke." 


	14. The Dead Men Form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the Dead Men came to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay, I know it's canon that they were basically asked at camp and they volunteered by putting their hands up but i like my version so imma write it k bye xx

There was a war.

A long, bloodthirsty war.

It had stolen millions of lives, it had brought down buildings and ripped apart villages. It had torn through Europe like a knife through unbaked clay.

And it was time for a new front.

It was dark, stormy night. Thunder and lightening tore through the Dublin sky, rain pelting down in bucketfuls as Dexter Vex ran across the street, dodging a donkey drawn cart that was searching for shelter. He dipped his hat low, wrapping his cloak tighter as he pushed open the door to the inn. At first glance, the inn was empty save for the barkeep.

But at a closer look, he could see the faint outline of two men sitting in the shadows at the far end, sitting next to the fire. One was a big, muscular man with his cloak hood drawn, a tankard of mead sitting in front of him. The other was thin and tall, his own hood drawn to cover his face. He sat empty handed. Dexter had a strange inkling that he knew the two men, but with their faces covered, he couldn't be sure.

Dexter shut the door behind him, nodding at the barkeep as he pressed a coin onto the bench, "Mead, thanks." He pulled down the hood of his cloak as he sat.

After a moment, the door opened again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two men walk in, one with his cloak hood drawn while the other did not. He was a red headed man, with a lean build similar to Dexter's. He wore a grey cloak, with crinkles around his eyes.

"Robin," Dexter greeted with an easy smile, "Anton- How do you do?" He drew two more coins from his pouch and placed them on the bench, "A mead and some fresh juice, if you have it?"

Anton Shudder kept his hood drawn, but nodded in thanks. Robin grinned happily, "Dexter!" He exclaimed, "I didn't know you had been invited to this!"

"What is this, exactly?" Anton spoke, his voice low and dark, "Why have we been summoned, and by whom?"

Dexter wanted to reply that he didn't know but before he could speak, two more men walked into the inn. He recognised them both, Hopeless and Saracen Rue. Two of the few soldiers who often left camp for scouting and spy missions, returning with information that could only be shared in secret, under the protection of privacy sigils and spells. Saracen's brown hair was messy and tousled, his jaw showing the shadows of a beard that was only a few days old. Hopeless was a dark skinned man- atleast, he was for now. His head bald and shining, his eyes glinting and shifting from a shade of brown to gray.

Saracen nodded as they passed them, "It's good to see you again," He said with a smile.

"Perhaps you'll be able to tell us why we are here, Rue?" Anton asked coolly, finally drawing his hood back to reveal his black hair and sharp, gaunt features. 

"Ah, but that will ruin the surprise," Saracen replied, "All I can tell you is Deuce wants to speak with us." Then he nodded towards the two men who sat by the fire, "It seems we're all here but Deuce."

Robin scrunched his forehead, "Who are they?" He asked, his voice low, "They have their hoods up."

"Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke," Came Saracen's reply. Dexter felt a chill up his spine. The Skeleton Soldier? What could possibly bring him and Dexter into the same room. He knew of him, the man who had died and come back. People said he ran off pure rage and madness. Others said he was just a little cranky, but had wit sharp as a sword. All Dexter knew that this was a man who had led soldiers through the war.

Ghastly Bespoke, Dexter knew slightly better. He was a fellow soldier, a tailor and the son of a Sensitive. He had fought alongside Dexter in many battles.

Finally, the door opened for the last time to reveal Corrival Deuce, one of the generals that led the Sanctuary's armies. He was a middle aged man, looking older than all of the others. He had dirty blond hair with streaks of gray, a hard set jaw and a crooked nose. Behind him was Erskine Ravel, another soldier and also considered the general's right hand man. His hood was up partially, resting on his brown hair and framing his face.

"Where is she?" Deuce didn't bother with the pleasantries, barking at Pleasant and Bespoke.

"She's not here," Issued a smooth, velvety voice from the hood of the thinner man.

"Sure of that?" Saracen said, raising an eyebrow before taking a swig of his mead.

The hood fell away, revealing a gleaming skull. Dexter had to take a long sip of mead to hide the disturbed expression on his face.

"What are you talking about, Rue?" The skeleton demanded.

"Easy, brother." Dexter saw Robin all but jump out of his seat out of the corner of his eye at the sudden shock of the woman's voice.

He swallowed as a wall of shadows curled away from the corner of the room, revealing a beautiful woman sitting behind an empty table by the window. 

"I told you, I wanted no part in this," She said coldly to Deuce. Bespoke stood, his hood falling away to reveal his bald, scarred head. He looked shocked at the woman's appearance..

"Well, we didn't have much choice," Deuce replied dismissively. He went to sit at one of the tables in the center of the inn, "Raph, leave us," He ordered. The barkeep nodded and left.

Hopeless and Saracen sat down across from him, Bespoke joining them after watching the woman for a moment. Robin slid off his bar stool, tankard in hand to sit closer. Anton and Dexter stayed where they were while Pleasant simply turned his head away, staring at the flames. 

Dexter turned to look at Deuce but kept his attention on the steel-eyed woman. She was thin and tall, her skin a dark brown that showed she was foreign. She had an angular face, dark brown locks that fell past her chin, curling around her chest. He had never seen her before. Then suddenly, her eyes met his and he had to look away, drinking his mead to hide his guilt.

"We have reached a stalemate in the war," Deuce said after a moment, "We need a new edge- Something to push us forward."

"And what exactly do you have in mind?" Skulduggery said. Dexter couldn't gather his expression.

"I'm proposing to mobilise a new war squad," Deuce informed them, sitting back in his chair and linking his fingers, "To break the barriers, do missions that the other soldiers would think you mad for going for."

"You mean commit suicide," Anton said, tilting his head.

"Yes," Deuce said bluntly, "I suppose so."

"You're not giving us much to go on," Saracen said with a snort.

There was silence in the inn until "I'm in." There was no surprise as Ghastly looked at Skulduggery who had spoken, a questioning look in his eyes before nodding, "I'm in too."

"I'll join," Hopeless was the next to join, clenching his fist on the table. Saracen sighed, "Me too."

"I'm too," Robin said. Dexter could tell Anton had stiffened, his gaze stuck on the red-haired man. And then, he spoke, "I will join."

"You already know my answer," Erskine said softly.

And finally, "I'm in," Dexter echoed, his tankard resting on the bench with a  _clunk._

All eyes turned to the woman hidden in shadows.

Her eyes glinted as they locked with Corrival's. "I told you five years ago and I told you ten years ago," She said softly, "And my answer stays the same."

Dexter saw Ghastly release a breath at her words. The skeleton was still as stone, his head tilted towards the woman, but not fully facing her.

"This war needs you, Satya," Deuce said, his voice raising slightly.

"This war has had enough of me," The woman- Satya- replied, "And it has taken far more than I have been willing to give."

Deuce stared at her, his jaw clenching before he got up to leave, "Come to the Western camps, one week from now at sundown," He said before walking away, drawing his hood. Erskine followed him after a nod to the others.

The inn door shut behind them just as a flash of lightning filled the sky.

Dexter watched as the woman stood up to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ghastly snapped at her.

"Ghastly, leave it," Skulduggery warned. Saracen cleared his throat awkwardly and he and Hopeless stood, "Well, it was good seeing you all again," He said brightly. "Till next week."

Dexter nodded as they passed by.

Anton stood as well, "Larrikin, let's go," He said. Robin sighed but got up, "Farewell, sweet maidens," He said dramatically. Anton sighed, grabbing his arm. Robin yelped but followed.

Now it was just Dexter, Skulduggery, Ghastly and Satya.

Dexter still had half a tankard of mead left and if he drank too fast then he was just going to choke.

"Where have you been for the past year?" Ghastly hissed to Satya.

"Ghastly," Skulduggery repeated, "Leave it."

"No-" Ghastly told him with a glare, "You don't get to have a say in this."

The skeleton went silent, sighing with the manner of child that had been told off.

Dexter took a long sip, turning away from the three.

"I was busy," Came her cold reply, "I told you Ghastly- I'm not playing a part in this war. See, even Skulduggery understands that I just want to be left alone."

"Skulduggery has been as absent as you have been," Was Ghastly's reply.

"Well, yell at him," Satya said tiredly.

"Oh, he has," Skulduggery said, standing, "Now, I'll just be leaving you."

He walked past Dexter and out of the inn.

"You need to speak to him," Ghastly said softly. There was no reply but suddenly Dexter could feel a cold creep over him, a shiver up his spine.

oooooooooo

"Now we can speak freely," Satya said.

"That's a new trick," Ghastly noted, "Where did you pick that up?"

"What is going on with Skulduggery?" Satya ignored him.

"There's a woman," He said after a moment.

"Good for him."

"No, you don't understand," Ghastly said, sitting back down, "She's different- There's something wrong with her."

Satya raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think she's on our side," Ghastly said finally.

She frowned, "You think he's being seduced by the enemy?" She said, slightly jokingly.

He said nothing.

"That's exactly what you think," She said in surprise, "Ghastly, Skulduggery isn't stupid- He just needs space. It's been a hard few years-"

"He's different," Ghastly insisted, "He's not right- He won't listen to me. You know what he's going through, he needs you-"

"I wasn't right either," Satya interrupted, "He's just handling things differently than I did."

Ghastly stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Space," She repeated, "That's all he needs." He didn't look convinced.

"Fine," She sighed, "I'll stop by Aoife's tomorrow. Get him there."

She stepped into the light and suddenly Ghastly could see how terrible she looked.

"Satya-" He looked shocked, "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Because I haven't," She replied, drawing her hood and letting her shadows dispel, "Goodnight, Ghastly."

She walked past him, "Vex," She nodded at the blonde man at the bar, "I suspect we'll be seeing each other very soon."

Dexter nodded, dipping his hat in farewell. 

"Give Aoife my best," She said, opening the inn door to leave.

"Give it to her yourself."

And she was gone.


	15. Wine and Dine Then Properly Bed Me, Please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set days after "The Gods of Old". Satya is interrupted while in a frenzy by a man with a limo with orders to take her to dinner.  
> Guess it's time for being wined and dined, then properly bedded by the most beautiful woman in the world.  
> No biggie.

Satya ran a hand through her hair tiredly, staring at her wall in frustration. The wall was covered in reports and journal entries which she had collected from Skulduggery's house. Maps lay scattered on her living room floor which she precariously stepped over as she reached for her glass of wine. 

Suddenly, someone knocked on her front door. Satya froze mid-reach, blinking in confusion. She straightened up and made her way across the living room, flattening the mess of her hair before unlocking the door, "Hello- Tipstaff?" She was even more confused at the sight of China Sorrows' personal assistant standing at her doorstep.

"Ms Eka," The thin, weedy mage nodded in greeting, "I'm here to escort you to dinner."

"Dinner?" Realisation hit her, "Oh, shit- Dinner..." It had completely slipped her mind. Should she cancel? Tipstaff had come all this way...

She swallowed, "Can you give me twenty minutes?" She let out a breathless laugh, "I lost track of time."

 Tipstaff nodded and turned to head back into the shiny white car that he had parked out front on the street.

"Right," Satya shut the door, "Twenty minutes to get ready for dinner with the most beautiful woman in the world. Piece of cake."

ooooooooooo

"Right this way, ma'am."

Satya's coat was taken as she followed the waiter, her heels clicking against the marble floors, masked by the orchestra that played in the middle of the indoor courtyard, surrounded by tables and guests, dwarfed by pillars that held up the balcony levels.

She had to admit, China had amazing taste. Expensive, too, judging by the waiter holding the priceless bottle of champagne that had passed her just moments ago. 

Satya was led into a private parlour that was on the balcony, looking down at the orchestra. Plates, wine glasses and cutlery were set out but there was no one there.

"Ms Sorrows will be with you in a moment," the waiter informed her before leaving her alone in the parlour. She walked over to the balcony, watching the affairs of the people below. It was a beautiful restaurant, the courtyard had gorgeous fountains, pillars and floors of marble. Carts of food whizzing around to be served by waiters.

"Don't tell me you forgot."

Satya turned with a small smile, "If I say I had a lot on my mind, will you forgive me?" She asked, reaching for China who had entered the parlour. The woman was dressed in a floor length red gown, the neckline high and the backline low which Satya glimpsed as she turned to pour some wine.

"I think I can forgive that," China said, handing her a glass before sliding her arm atop of hers and pressing her red painted lips to Satya's, "You look beautiful."

"This old thing?" Satya said with a small laugh. She had worn a maroon dress, with a shirt like bodice with flared skirts, a slit riding up on the left. Her hair in a messy plait, "I wasn't sure of the dress code so I did my best in twenty minutes." She was definitely under dressed compared to the other woman.

China led her to the table and they sat. "This is one of my favourites," She said with a strange glint in her eye, "I think I first came here in the 80s- It's aged with grace, wouldn't you say?"

"It certainly has," Satya replied, taking a sip of her wine, meeting her eyes, "You may have to order for me- I can never decide."

They chatted for the next half hour, laughing and talking between sips of wine and bites of delicious food.

Until- "Has Hopeless decided on who will take Guild's place?" China asked curiously.

"Well..." Satya bit her lip, hiding a smile, "Hopeless is still trying to convince Corrival to come out of retirement but at one point he actually mentioned you..."

China choked on her wine a little, "Excuse me?"

"Imagine that," Satya said, "China Sorrows, Elder of Ireland."

"Hmm..." China tilted her head with a smile, "I'd have to say no. I don't fancy dying in less than five years."

Satya eyed her reproachfully before reaching forward and grabbing China's hand, bringing up to her lips, "Ready to go?"

oooooooooo

They both walked along the beach, Satya finally realising they weren't far from the pier where Valkyrie had previously lived.

Their heels swung at their sides, their free hands intertwined. 

There was a peaceful silence on the beach. The moon reflecting on the water, the soft whisper of the waves crashing over eachother.

Satya tugged China towards her, letting go of her hand to cup China's face before kissing her gently.

Soon, she dropped her heels, pushing the woman back with her kiss, lips heated, tongue running against hers

China tossed aside her heels, placing her hands around Satya's neck and kissed her back.

Soon they were passionately making out. China pulled out the hair tie in Satya's hair, loosening the long locks before pulling away, resting her nose against Satya's cheek.

Satya let out a sigh, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "I love you too," She murmured.

"And I didn't even get to bed you yet."

"Well, I'm still free for that if you want to-"

"I'll call Tipstaff."

Satya laughed, pulling her into another heated kiss.


	16. Parent Teacher Interviews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melissa asks Satya to come to Val's parent teacher interviews because... Well... Desmond is kinda clueless when it comes to these kind of things.  
> Just a random thing that popped into my head.

"So, how's the new job going?" Satya asked Melissa curiously as they waited in the secondary school study hall for the next appointment.

"It's..." Melissa pulled a face, "Going, I guess you could say. A bit dull if I'm being honest, but I guess every job would be if you spent a year or two working at magic central."

Satya laughed at that, "Well, we miss you too," She teased, "I'm sure if you just asked, Hopeless would have you back in a heartbeat. The new Administrator isn't nearly as nice to look at."

Melissa shook her head with a smile, "I don't think so. It would be nice but I think I need a little break from all that- The last case you all worked on..." She trailed off with a hesitant shrug. Satya just nodded in understanding.

"Mum!" They looked up to see Valkyrie waving them over from the other end of the hall, sitting infront of one of her teachers.

"You must be Mrs Edgley!" A middle aged English man greeted Melissa with a wide smile, standing to greet her. Melissa smiled, "Mr McGregor," She greeted, reaching and grasping his outstretched hand.

"And would I be wrong to assume that you are also Mrs Edgley?" McGregor asked curiously to Satya. Valkyrie snorted, coughing to hide it.

"Alas, her heart has been stolen," Satya said with a laugh, "No, I'm Stephanie's tutor."

"Ah," He nodded, "So, you're who I have to thank- Stephanie is a joy to have in class!" He said enthusiastically.

Satya gave Valkyrie a side-eye with a raised eyebrow. 

"She and I have very lively conversations- She's very knowledgeable on history of the last two or so centuries," McGregor began with an approving nod, "She worked very well with her partner, Livia, to present their research on the World War 2 topic- I was very pleased."

Valkyrie shot Satya a grin.

Melissa ignored both of them, listening intently to what the History teacher was saying.

"There is a slight issue with homework," McGregor gave Valkyrie a slightly patronizing look, "There have been a few occasions where that hasn't been handed in but she's definitely made up for it in quality class discussion."

ooooooooo

"Quality class discussion?!" Satya repeated with a snort, "How much did you bribe him, Val?"

Valkyrie elbowed her, "Hey- I can be a great conversationalist," She claimed, "Just because you can't get on my level of amazing-" Again, Satya snorted.

"I'm very proud of you," Melissa said with a soft smile, reaching for her daughter and pressing a kiss to her forehead, "That was a great interview considering how much you've gone through this year, honey."

Valkyrie flushed as they made their to the next interview.

"That was brilliant," Satya murmured to her with a smile, "I could never have balance school and magic when I was your age. I'm proud of you."

Valkyrie looked down at her shoes, her cheeks red.

"Valkyrie!" 

"Hey, Livia," Satya greeted the girl who rushed over, "Ivory," She nodded in greeting at the woman who followed behind.

"Mum, this is Livia," Valkyrie introduced her friend to her mother, "And her mother, Ivory."

"It's good to see you again," Ivory told Satya with a tight smile, "You're apprentice and suicide squad is topic often brought up in my house."

"Mum!" Livia exclaimed in indignation, giving her a wide eyed look.

Satya cleared her throat, "Yes, well- Your daughter is one brought up in the office from time to time."

"Satya!" Satya shot Valkyrie a teasing grin.

"So, you're a sorcerer too, I hear?" Melissa asked tentatively.

"Yes," Ivory said with a nod, "A necromancer."

"Oh," Melissa nodded, "Right... Um-"

"Mum- My English teacher's waiting," Valkyrie prompted, clearing her throat.

"We should let you go," Ivory said with another sharp nod, "Satya."

"Ivory."

Satya, Melissa and Valkyrie walked away from them.

"Well, that was awkward."


	17. Don't Know You Super Well But I Think That You Might Be The Same As Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satya joins the Dead Men.

A grim cloud had settled atop the camp. Soldiers walked through the camp with a sense of restlessness, no one knew what to do.

Dexter was unwrapping the gauze that was protecting his knuckles, his white sleeveless shirt dirtied with mud and some blood where his opponents nose had broken nose had stained.

It was when he tossed the gauze aside when he looked up and almost gasped aloud.

It was the woman. Satya. Here.

He hadn't seen her since the meeting at the inn six months ago. She seemed so out of place, standing in her clean black cloak. Her expression was blank, her hair out of her face as it was plaited back into a bun.

She stood silently for a moment before walking past him. Dexter's gaze followed her before he grabbed his water skin and waited for her to have a head start before following her.

Her cloak was dragging against the mud, eyes following her as she went through the camp towards the main tent.

ooooooooo

"Satya?"

Corrival Deuce looked up from the maps that was strewn across the war table at Erskine's voice.

Satya ignored Erskine, meeting Corrival's eyes, "Where is he?" She asked coldly.

"Dead," Corrival replied.

"Did you find the body?"

Corrival let out a dark laugh, "Three square kilometers of ashes and bones- You think we were really going to look for Skulduggery Pleasant's body in that?"

Satya didn't reply to that, her face impassive and blank, "I want in."

"What makes you think I want you here?"

Satya tilted her head, "Fine," She said with a cold smile, turning on her heel, "I'll give Ghastly my love and then leave."

Corrival met Erskine's expectant gaze then sighed, "Wait."

Satya turned back to him.

"Someone will need to replace Pleasant," He said with a sigh, "Might as well be you. Next mission is in three days. Ravel will take you to Hopeless, get suited up and get briefed."

Satya nodded sharply before turning on her heel and leaving the tent, "Vex."

Dexter jumped away from the tent with a swear, "Sorry," He said with a wince, his hair flicking into eyes.

"Dexter," Erskine left the tent, joining Satya's side, "You remember Satya, right?"

"Yes, I do," Dexter said with a nod, his cheeks flushed slightly.

"Satya, I wanted to say-" Erskine said softly, "I'm sorry about Skulduggery. I know he meant a lot to you."

"I've mourned him once," Satya said without a single emotion on her face, "I don't think I'll do it again."

"Your brother has."

Satya was silent for a moment, "Good for him."

"Aoife can't see anything around Skulduggery, Satya," Erskine said quietly, "It's just shadows and darkness. It's okay if you-"

"I don't to talk about it, Ravel," Satya snapped, turning on him with flashing eyes, "He's dead. Good for him. I'm glad Ghastly's mourning and not fucking running away like I did. I hope what Aoife saw is true because Skulduggery deserves peace- He was a damn good man and he deserves his peace and I envy him so much for finally getting it. Now, that's the end of it."

Dexter saw Erskine swallow hard before nodding. Dexter was wary. He hadn't found a whole lot of information on this woman but all he could figure was she was part of the initial groups to try and neutralise the start of the war until her husband and son were killed in the first attack. Then she disappeared until two decades ago when Skulduggery Pleasant got married and had a child. When they died she disappeared once again, resurfacing that night at the inn to decline Deuce's request.

And finally, she had shown up. Where she had been between fights, Dexter couldn't figure out.

oooooooooo

"May I come in, ma'am?"

"Come in."

Dexter cleared his throat as he pushed aside the fabric of the tent entrance and went into the newly pitched tent, "Mistress Aoife sent fighting leathers," He informed Satya, not meeting her eyes, "And cloth for bleeding- If you need it," He said awkwardly.

"Better get over that," Satya told him off-handedly, taking the clothes from his hands, "If we're going to be stuck in the trenches together."

He watched in silent horror as she turned her back to him and pulled off her shirt. He cleared his throat again.

"Like I said," She turned her head slightly with a smile, "Get over it."

Her back was bare, her hair trailing down her very prominent spine. She was thin, in the way where she was malnourished. He could count every rib, every scar that stuck out against her brown skin.

Dexter averted his eyes.

She had pulled on the Bespoke-Made shirt before putting on the leather jacket, "What brings you here?"

Dexter frowned, "Mistress Aoife-"

"I meant to the war," Satya replied with a laugh, "Pretty boy like you- Surely you have a sweetheart waiting at home, why leave? Revenge? Bloodthirst?"

Pretty boy?

"I-" He gave a shaky laugh, "I don't have anything else. My parents died when I was just a child so I kind of just..." He waved his hands, "Drifted."

"That seems like a common theme among the Dead Men," Satya commented, turning to face him, "Why the Dead Men? Why are you called that?"

Dexter thought for a moment before his lips tilted upwards in a smile, "We managed to go on suicide missions and came back alive..." His smile fell and he winced, "Most of the time."

Satya's eyes were sad and they were silent for a moment, "You can call me Satya, by the way," She said suddenly, "Ma'am makes me seem much older than I look."

Dexter swallowed, "Well," He turned to leave, "See you in the morning... Satya."

"Goodnight," She replied with a soft smile, "Comrade."

And that day Satya Eka replaced Skulduggery Pleasant in the Dead Men.


	18. I Take Thee as my Lawfully Wedded Husband.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here come the Shudders- Or the Larrikins. Or the Shudder-Larrikins?

Vegas Shotgun Wedding had nothing on this. One minute, Robin had proposed to Anton.

The next, Valkyrie was helping Satya find someone who could make a balloon arch that was "Super fucking gay" as Robin put it.

She hadn't plan a wedding before. She certainly hadn't help plan a wedding in under a week.

"This doesn't really seem like Anton's style," Valkyrie said with wide eyes as they piled party supplies into the trolley.

"Oh, it's not," Saracen assured her, "But it's Robin's. And Anton is willing to wear a bright pink suit for a day if it means he gets to marry the love of his life."

"That I want to see," Valkyrie said with a snort as Satya placed a plastic tiara on her head, "How come it took them ages to get married? Haven't they been in love for ages?"

"Some people don't really care for marriage," Satya said lightly, "It doesn't have the same bond it used to have if you get what I mean. In our time, you married once and that was all you got. Today..." She trailed off, "It's different. Robin and Anton have always loved eachother, they knew eachother long before they knew any of us. Marriage changes nothing."

"So why bother?"

Saracen took a feather boa and ruffled it in her face, "The party, of course."

oooooooooooo

And what a party it was.

Valkyrie watched in slight confusion as the first ten minutes of the ceremony went on. Robin and Anton stood facing eachother, Robin with his hair braided into a crown and wearing a black suit and Anton in a similar suit. Hopeless conducted the ceremony, droning on with the things that you usually heard at weddings.

"You may now kiss," Hopeless said with finality. Valkyrie watched as Anton's lips lifted in a true, rare smile before reaching forward and cupping Robin's face, and pressing his lips to the elementals.

Valkyrie whooped alongside Erskine, throwing flower petals at the kissing couple. Robin's fingers tangled in his husband's hair, his cheeks blushing a red similar to his hair as he passionately kissed the gist-user.

Dexter wolf whistled, "Let's get this party started!" He yelled, turning and slapping Ghastly's arm. Ghastly shook his head with a wry smile and reached for a confetti canon.

Valkyrie grinned as Skulduggery reluctantly set off the confetti canon which let out a stream of rainbow confetti at the newly married couple. He looked down at her, his skull expressionless but she could tell he was smiling.

She could hear the click of Satya's camera just as the music was turned on, drowning out everything.

Robin pulled away from Anton with a wide grin, "Party time!" He exclaimed happily, tugging at Anton's hand.

Anton followed suit, looking completely resigned but accepting for whatever Robin had in store for him.

oooooooooooo

Satya watched with a small smile as Robin disappeared into the Midnight Hotel behind Anton. Within a few moments, the hotel began to fade until it had completely disappeared, the only remaining memory was the fading foundations pressed into the ground of Gordon's estate.

"It took them long enough." She turned to see Ghastly leaning against a tree, "Almost reminds me of you and Jonas."

"I was thinking the same thing."

Satya rolled her eyes, "Both my brothers ganging up on me?" She raised an eyebrow as she made her way to Ghastly, Skulduggery joining them with two flutes of champagne and offering it to them, "What did I do to deserve this?"

Ghastly chuckled at that, sipping his champagne, "All that lost time," He said, melancholy filling his voice.

Satya observed him for a moment before shaking her head, "Ask her out, idiot," She said.

Ghastly blinked, "What?"

Satya snorted before raising her flute towards the blonde woman who was chatting with Hopeless, "Tanith," She said, "Ask her out- You gave me so much shit about wasting time with Jonas, it's my turn now."

"I have to agree with Satya," Skulduggery said, "For once, she's right." Satya elbowed him, only to end up hitting the space between his rib cage.

"Don't you start," Ghastly warned the skeleton, shaking his head.

Satya took off the pink cowboy hat that the tailor wore and swapped it with Skulduggery's before downing her champagne, "So, now that the dance floor is free, who's going to dance with me?"

 


	19. My Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satya is four-hundred-and-something-so-here's-a-surprise

That Saturday was the most normal Saturday in Satya's life. Nothing was out of the ordinary. She left her house at 9 in the morning, stopping at her usual cafe to pick up a latte before getting into her car and driving to the Sanctuary.

She passed the Administrator with no greeting, not bothering to stop by the Elder-Grand Mage office as she headed towards the archives. 

She stayed there for a couple of hours, continuing her dreary side project of digitizing the archives. After an hour, she reached into her handbag and pulled out a flask, pouring some of the brown liquid into her cold coffee and finishing that off. 

This had kept her busy in the long waiting time for information on the Murder Skull. Erskine had mentioned how annoying it was having to go through top secret journals for information - written in Gaelic of all things - so Satya had given in and taken up the job, one of the other Dead Men occasionally popping by to help.

By midday, she gave up. With a wave of her hand, the books flew back to their respective places. She signed out of the desktop, grabbing her bag and empty coffee cup that smelled more like whiskey than it did coffee.

"Erskine and Hopeless left early."

Satya stopped in the hall and turned, "Corrival," She greeted with a tight smile.

The General-Now-Elder reached her, dressed in the customary black robes. Corrival Deuce was an older man, certainly not as old as Thurid Guild, but of a similar build to Dexter, his hair grey and his expression grim.

"Did they say what they were up to?" She queried as they fell into an even step.

"No, and I didn't push," He said gruffly, "They need a break, though- You all do."

"We'll rest when Skulduggery is back with us," Satya said softly.

Corrival gave a light snort, "You're still stubborn," He commented, "You and Ghastly- Just like your mother, rest her soul."

ooooooooooo

Satya parked in her driveway. The street was empty, and she was half tempted to park in front of the house across the street that belonged to an older man who had told her to go back to her country once.

Her heels clicked against the pavement as she walked up the two steps to the door. She unlocked the door, pushing it open as she threw her keys into the bowl before freezing.

She hesitantly held her hand out, sending out a wave of air before it bounced back to her fingers.

Someone was here.

She immediately snapped her fingers, summoning a flame in her palm. Her heels clicks echoed on the floorboards as she stepped towards the kitchen, about to attack the intruders before-

"SURPRISE!"

Satya stared, dumbfounded at the group that were waiting for her behind the door. Ghastly, Erkskine, Anton, Dexter, Saracen, Hopeless and Robin stood there, Valkyrie in front with a badly frosted cake with a bunch of candles stuffed onto the top.

Satya blinked, "It's not my birthday," She said.

"Well," Ghastly tilted his head with a shrug, "Technically, it's the day Dad found you in England but since we don't actually know your birthday, this will work."

"Happy birthday to you...." Robin began to sing, swinging his hair behind his shoulder as he gave a dramatic rendition. Valkyrie joined in, "Happy we-don't-actually-know -how-old-you-are-but-we-love-you birthday to you...." They managed that in a single breath.

"Happy birthday to you..." All but Anton joined in at the last part, with wild grins that caused Satya to relax, a smile jumping to her lips at the sight.

"Idiots," She said, shaking her head fondly, "I do hope you ordered food because I sure as hell ain't cooking."

"Dexter's making his special!" Valkyrie told her with a grin, taking a step closer so Satya could lean over and blow out the candles, "Make a wish!"

Satya blew them out, holding her hair back as she did so before straightening, "The Vex special?" She raised an eyebrow, "Now that I can get behind." 

ooooooooooooooo

The Dexter Vex special consisted of a scrambled eggs, sausages, home made hash browns and toasted bread from the local bakery. But for some strange reason, Dexter managed to make the whole thing taste way better than what was found in your standard cafe.

Satya was quite full. She sat comfortably between Ghastly and Dexter, resting her head on the energy-thrower's shoulder. Robin sat at her feet, his head resting on her lap so she could plait his hair. 

"Finally, done," Saracen walked in, collapsing onto the sofa next to Anton with a sigh.

Satya laughed, "Trust me, the best birthday present is other people cooking and doing the dishes," She said with a smile, "Thanks boys."

"Eh hem."

"And Val," Satya added with a grin, leaning over and flicking the back of Valkyrie's head. Valkyrie wrinkled her nose at her before leaning back against Erskine.

"I'm glad you think so," Saracen said, a cheeky smile on his lips, "Because if that's how low your expectations are then you'll love this-"

Satya watched with a furrowed brow as Hopeless leaned over the end of the sofa from Ghastly's other side, pulling out a brown package from behind it.

"I know I said I needed to get high but this isn't what I meant," She said jokingly as she took the package with a thank you.

"Hilarious," Hopeless said, rolling his eyes, "Stop promoting drug use in front of Valkyrie."

Satya felt through the plain wrapping paper, trying to figure out what it was, "A book?"

"Open the damn gift," Robin groaned, twisting, "You're so annoying."

"Pot, kettle," Anton said, finally breaking his silence from across the room, earning a pillow that was thrown by his husband as well as a few snorts from the rest of the Dead Men.

Satya finally tore at the paper, a small smile on her face in anticipation. Then- "Oh, boys-" She suddenly felt a sob in her throat. It was an album, a leather photo album that was clearly Bespoke-Made. She could recognise that work anywhere.

"Like it?"

She ran her fingers over the rough cover, the intricate carvings that worked almost like hieroglyphs, telling a story, "It's beautiful," She choked out.

Dexter elbowed her lightly, "You haven't even opened it yet," He said in amusement. Satya bit her lip before opening the cover and gasped.

Looking up at her were pictures they had collected over the years. Some as old as the digital camera, black and white grainy figures standing infront of buildings, at parties with glasses of wine in hand. Some more recent, clearer with vibrant colours, showing the good times they had.

Satya flipped the pages in mute disbelief, looking at the little captions and notes they had scribbled in the margins.

"I thinks she likes it," Erskine stage-whispered. Satya looked up, eyes wide, "It's amazing," She murmured, "It's perfect-" She was tearing up.

"She's crying!" Saracen exclaimed, "Aw- Satya..."

They were all looking at her with smiles on their faces. Satya looked back down at the album and spied a group photo that had been taken at Robin and Anton's wedding and rested her finger against the image of the only person who wasn't present.

She looked up, her eyes falling on the armchair that a certain skeleton would frequent, "Almost perfect," She whispered. And they all understood. It wasn't there gift that wasn't enough. It was the fact that one person wasn't there as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been awhile since I finished "The Gods of Old". I'm trying something a little bit different for the next book which is writing a few chapters in advance so I'm a bit more prepared and not making stuff up as I go which is why it's taking a bit longer to post. I have decided the next book will be called "Beware the Ides" so look out for that- Love yo faces :)


	20. The Annual Ghastly Commentary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghastly's a bespoke tailor, what on earth did you think would happen when the Met Gala came on TV?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INSPIRED BY A REFERENCE IN "BURIED UNDER DEEPER GROUND: BY ELIDNSY

The Dead Men remembered a lot of things. They remembered the birth of stars and the death of them, fashion trends that were completely alien and weird as well as the times that mortals completely surprised sorcerers with the invention of film and other media types.

But perhaps the most interesting thing that had happened over the years was the new tradition that had been formed on the lovely year of our lord, 1949.

Ghastly Bespoke had been in his workshop, working on a suit for a mage that had a tendency to burst into flames occasionally when the wireless switched from the football commentary to something else entirely. He frowned, reaching to turn the knob to fix it back before freezing.

 _"-wearing a gorgeous salmon pink gown. She is really pushing the limits today, folks, but is she sticking to theme?"_ An American voice rasped out of the wireless.

_"You have to admit, it is a strange combination with those heels. Take look at Humphrey Bogart, his tux is perfectly fitted and compliments his dates gown perfectly-"_

Ghastly listened, enraptured by the talk, his hand delicately holding the needle and thread, pressed against the button he was sewing.

And that was the day a beautiful tradition was born.

00000000

"Are we seriously-" Valkyrie began to speak.

"Shhh!" Ghastly hissed, "Rihanna's here!"

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow but did as told, shaking her head and falling back into her seat.

"You can always count on her to stick to theme," Skulduggery said approvingly, leaning forward. He was just as invested as Ghastly was, his fingers threaded together resting under his chin.

"The men-" Ghastly started, "Presented a weak front this year. Velvet? What were they thinking. Dolce and Gabbana were making this year easy but they decided to go basic. Disgraceful."

"Agreed," Satya said, equally entranced by the whole ordeal.

"Woah," Valkyrie mouthed to Saracen and Dexter who were just looking at the three in amusement.

"Amazing," Ghastly was watching wide-eyed as Rihanna filled the screen. "Eyes front, soldier," Tanith said jokingly from the floor where she was sprawled, playing a game of cards with Dexter.

"The fit, the bead work," Ghastly shook his head, "Amazing- She saved the whole gala."

"This is what you do  _every_ year?" Valkyrie whispered to Satya.

"SHHH!"


	21. Days of the Past

It was a rare sunny day in Dublin. The skies were clear, the birds were chirping and there was the buzz of activity from the street markets that the breeze allowed to travel to the idyllic garden of the house that belonged to the tailor, Elijah Gall, and his suspiciously strong and muscular wife, Madam Aoife.   
The house was bustling, servants running to and fro as they set up for the ball that had been planned for that summer evening, a fruitless attempt to try to introduce the younger inhabitants of the household to society.

Where were these younger inhabitants, you ask? Madam Aoife peered out of the window of her study, a soft smile on her lips as she observed the picturesque scene that beheld her.

Her son, Ghastly Bespoke of eighteen years sat against the oak tree that was older than even she was, a cloth in hand as he absentmindedly stitched away with the thin needle and thread that he held delicately between his scarred fingers. He looked relaxed. Good. He took far too much on his shoulders, his demeanor growing older as he watched his mortal father age infront of his eyes.

Using his legs as a pillow was Skulduggery Pleasant, a lanky, ruggedly handsome boy of seventeen that had been adopted into the household the day he had been found by Ghastly, stabbed by some pirates. He had rested a hat against his head, shielding his eyes from the sun while allowing his red hair to spill out across his brother's knees.

If anyone outside of the house came and saw this, not knowing who these young ones were, they would have been scandalised at the sight of Satya Eka, resting against Skulduggery's raised knees with his arm strung around her waist as she read aloud. The girl of eighteen, perhaps nineteen- they still weren't sure- had her hair tied back into a messy bun, keeping it from getting out of the way as she read to her brothers. Her brown skin stood out against the light blue dress she wore, a stark contrast to Ghastly and Skulduggery's simple shirt and pants.

It was a peaceful day, Aoife thought, a happy one. She watched with fondness before turning back to her dream doll, wrapping twine tight around the neck before snipping it and standing to put it on the shelf.

oooooooooo

"How long do we have to stay?" Satya asked with a sigh, her hand hooked through Ghastly's, "I'm too tired for this. Skulduggery was up til the morning with his conspiracy about the governor."

"It's not a conspiracy," Skulduggery said from her other side, a flute of champagne in hand.

"Until you have evidence," Satya started, "It's a conspiracy." She plucked a flute from a passing waiter, downing it.

"Don't get drunk," Ghastly hissed, "Mother will kill you."

"Maybe even forbid me from coming to the next one," She said hopefully, causing Skulduggery to roll his eyes.

"Not sure why you're complaining," The redhead said, his eyes resting appreciatively on a pretty woman passing by on the arm of a rather hideous but rich gentleman, "There's so much to look at."

She slapped his arm, shooting him a look of distaste.

"She only needs one thing to look at," Ghastly said airily, "Specifically, a charming Norwegian inventor-"

"Behnchod," Satya hissed, smacking his side, pulling her arm away from him.

"You are my sister," Ghastly commented, "That is quite disgusting."

She glared at him before turning on her heel, marching away towards a group of women plastering a fake smile onto her face as she began to mingle.

"Shall we steal away and break into Elijah's liquor cabinet?" Skulduggery offered, resting his arm across Ghastly's broad shoulders, "Or shall we mingle and seduce young, beautiful women?"

"I don't think I'd have much chance with the second option, Skul."

"Nonsense, you're almost as incredulous as Jonas in this instance, or have you not noticed that girl looking you over for the past half hour?"

Ghastly looked over, quickly looking back, cheeks flushing, "She's staring at the scars," He hissed, and then quickly looking back and then back at Skulduggery, "And she's mortal."

"So's your father," Skulduggery reminded him, "Mortals and sorcerers do work."

"I'd rather not," Ghastly muttered, "Besides, I'd rather not have to take the only person who isn't repulsed by this-" he gestured to himself.

"You just gestured to all of you."

"Exactly."

Skulduggery stared at him, mouth wide open for a moment before- "Ghastly Bespoke, if we weren't brothers I would marry you in a heartbeat," He declared, "You are on hideous creature-" Ghastly snorted. "-with a heart of gold and a personality greater than anything."

Ghastly grinned, "And if you weren't in love with China Sorrows."

Skulduggery pulled a face, "I'm not," He claimed, leading Ghastly towards the exit. After a moment, "Aren't we all?"

Ghastly thought for a moment, "Yeah," He agreed.

oooooooooo

Satya pushed open the doors of the dark workshop, looking for something she had left in there the other day. She passed the industrial sewing machines, her dress dragging as she crouched down, digging around in the cupboards.

"Fy faen," She muttered as she banged her head on the bottom of the table. She rubbed it in annoyance, snapping her fingers too summon a small spark of flame. With satisfaction, she grabbed the book of patterns that she had been asked to bring by Elijah, getting to her feet.

She absentmindedly walked to the windows, closing the shutters as she flicked through the book.

With a start, she trod on something soft. Her head snapped up and she let out a soft scream.

Resting, unconscious against the wall with two bottles of expensive whiskey lying empty between them was Skulduggery and Ghastly- And she had just trodden on Ghastly's fingers.

Satya's fingers were pressed to her lips, keeping herself quiet as she watched the almost comical scene with giggles rising in her throat.

"Oh, Mother and Father are going to kill you," She whispered with a grin.


	22. Snowed In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a battle during the war, a killer snow storm breaks apart the Dead Men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a sad one in my opinion but this snowstorm was stuck in my head

Satya shivered, her fingers frozen as they pressed to her stomach. Blood coated her fingers, dripping to the snow. The pain was blinding her, causing her to sway on her feet slightly.

"Come on," Dexter murmured, wrapping an arm around her tightly, blinking as the harsh winds whipped around them, "I can see a cabin. We can make it."

She nodded, dragging her feet. Dexter winced, rolling his arm that he was sure was dislocated as they neared the cabin.

The small wooden hut had two windows in sight, neither had light flitting through which meant it was probably empty. Dexter supported Satya's weight as they reached the weak wooden door, testing the door before slamming the weight of his shoulder with a harsh cry of pain. 

The wind was bitter and harsh, whipping their skin with snow and ice. Satya let out a sigh of relief as the door opened and they stumbled into the empty cabin. They were both chilled to the bone, wet and icy.

"G-Get your clothes off-" Satya ordered him, trying to snap her frozen fingers to summon a spark with no avail. She let out a hiss.

"N-Not how I thought this is how I'd get you out of your clothes for me," Dexter said halfheartedly, shaking as he began to tug off his shirt.

Satya let out shallow breaths, leaning against the wall, "Bandages-" She whispered, "Mine are going to be soaking." Her shirt was mixed with water and blood. 

Dexter had stripped to his under pants which were thankfully dryer than the rest of his clothes. He swore as he moved his arm, "It's dislocated, I'm going to be no use unless you put it back into place."

He took her hand, rubbing it to try and get some heat into her while she tugged off her shirt with a grimace, revealing the slash across her stomach and the bandages she wore to bind her breasts..

"It's shallow," He said, still shivering. He flinched as she placed her hands against his shoulder, pacing himself before letting out a swear when a sharp click and pain spread through his arm.

Satya's breaths were uneven now, more labored.

Dexter looked around, spotting a collection of cured animal skins that lay on the floor in what seemed to be a living space, beside it was a fireplace which was no use without Satya's magic.

He swept her into his arms, holding her tightly and taking her to the animal skin and setting her on there. She sat up, clutching her stomach. For a shallow wound, there was a lot of blood.

"Do you mind?" Dexter asked gently, nodding towards her bandages. 

"They're wet at the back," She managed out, "You're going to have to cut them." He nodded, reaching behind her with slight discomfort and unpinning the bandages. She raised her arm so he could unwrap it, her lips raising slightly at his obvious discomfort.

"Come on, Vex. You're almost halfway into my pants," She said teasingly, her voice raspy.

"Funny," He murmured, inspecting the wound properly, "It cleaned at least." He wrapped the bandage around her stomach pinning into place.

Satya rubbed her fingers, small sparks erupting from her fingerprints. "Thank god," She whispered, snapping her fingers and sending flames into the fireplace. 

Dexter let out a sigh of relief, collapsing into the pile of skins next to her. Satya nudged him, pressing her side to him so the heat running through transferred to him. 

Satya let out a hiss of pain as she wrapped one of the skins around her naked torso, shuffling close to the fire. "Are you going to be nice and go dig around the cabin looking for supplies?"

Dexter groaned, sitting up and looking at before blushing and immediately looking away. "Yeah, they might have clothes which you clearly need."

Satya gave him a tired laugh, lying down, her skin pale and her breaths still shaky.

oooooooooo

They were snowed in. There was nothing to be seen for miles except the thick white snow.

It had been three days. It was a miracle that Dexter had found a large amount of dried beef strips in one of the cupboard and a few bottles of cheap rum in another. Satya had a neat trick of pulling out the water out of the snow, going as far to filling up the tub so they could at least bathe. They had rationed so far for a week but it wasn't looking too good.

The snow hadn't eased. Hadn't left off once in three days.

They were running out of firewood. Dexter had blasted the wooden furniture into pieces to use, and had even gotten to the cupboard doors just in case Satya got to weak to support both their bodies with heat.

She was healing steadily, the wound slowly sealed up by the third day, faster than an average mortal but Dexter still kept a close eye on her. It wasn't until the fifth day when things went sideways.

She was taking a bath, a longer one than usual.

Dexter frowned, setting the clothes they had 'borrowed' from the cabin's owners by the fire, getting to his feet to check on her.

"Satya?" He knocked against the wooden door, "Are you okay?"

He heard something like a sniff but no real answer. "Satya, I'm going to come in." Dexter counted to three and pushed open the door before letting out a gasp, "Satya- Your wound opened up!" He exclaimed rushing forward.

She was sitting in the tub, her head resting on the edge of the tub. The water was tinged a deep red.

"It's not my wound," She said softly, eyes closed as her face looked up at the ceiling.

"What are you talking about?" Dexter exclaimed, reaching the tub, "Satya- The tub is filling with blood for fucks sake."

Satya turned her head, her eyes meeting his. With a start, he could see the tears filling her eyes.

"Satya?" He asked, his voice unsure. Then he realised.

"Oh, god," He whispered, "Satya, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," She whispered, turning her head back upwards, "I wasn't going to-" She let out a sigh, "The war's changed us all, huh?" She said, melancholy clear in her voice.

With a pang in his heart and a sickening feeling in his stomach, Dexter gently cradled her head with his arm, pressing a kiss to her hair and they stayed like that for a while.

ooooooooooooo

It was day seven when the storm ended. They waited till midday, the sun was at its peak, giving them a clear view of all that was around.

So they packed up with their makeshift rucksacks and stolen supplies and began their journey north, back towards the battleground where they had frequented the week before, in hopes of getting back to camp.

It was a whole day's journey, they carried on into the night, refusing to set up camp in the freezing cold. It wasn't till late afternoon of the next day that they reached the encampments.

"Go to a healer," Dexter muttered lowly to Satya, "Don't be stubborn."

Satya sighed but nodded, agreeing as they approached the camp.

"We have incoming!" Someone yelled.

Dexter just raised his hands. "Dexter Vex and Satya Eka of the Dead Men," He called. 

"Thank god!" Saracen ducked into view, "Where were you?!"

"You mean you didn't know?" Satya said dryly as Saracen engulfed her in a hug.

"Easy, Rue-" Dexter shoved him lightly off her. "She was hurt."

"I just knew you were alive," Saracen confessed.

"Yeah, well," Satya shrugged with a tight smile, "We're home now."

Dexter watched her out of the corner of his eye.


	23. Babysitting Duties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one seemed to mention the fact that Satya and Skulduggery had met Valkyrie before. But back then, she was Stephanie Edgley, a 9 month old.

"Gordon said to go over but I need a ride so when are you coming to pick me up?"

"I didn't hear a please anywhere there," Skulduggery replied, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"It doesn't fit in the sentence," Satya said back with a grin, her fingers resting loosely around the landline phone as she scribbled something down on the page.

"You're annoying."

"I get it from you."

"You do have another brother with a large van- In fact, several brothers with vehicles," Skulduggery said.

"Are you  _whining?"_  

There was silence on the line.

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Love you too!"

oooooooooooooo

Satya and Skulduggery pulled into the driveway of Gordon Edgley's mansion, the Bentley coming to a silent stop as Skulduggery parked.

"This better be good," He grumbled, loosening the scarf around his neck and pulling off the frizzy wig he wore as a disguise.

"Maybe he has those books we were after?" Satya offered, leading the way to the front door of the magnificent estate. It was too large for one man, but perfect for the bestselling author who preferred to be left to his own devices, with the exception of his magical friends. 

"He would have just said," Skulduggery replied.

"Stop moping," She said, nudging him as she reached for the doorbell, "It's a gorgeous day, not a peep from our friend in the castle and we're going to the ball in two days. Life's good."

She saw his incredulous tilt of his skull and relented. "Yeah, you're right. Life's shit."

The door open to reveal a very frazzled looking Gordon Edgley. "Thank god!" He exclaimed, sounding like he ran a marathon.

"Just us," Satya said with a smile, reaching forward and kissing his cheek before walking in. "What is going- Oh." She stopped in the middle of the entrance hall, resting her eyes on the small child who had perched herself onto a coffee table.

"I see the problem," She said with a nod before a smile lit up her face, "Hello,  _digra-_ Who do we have here?" 

"Stephanie," Gordon said, breathing heavily, "Is supposed to be napping."

The dark haired baby who was crawling onto the table, tipping precariously over the edge let out a gurgle, her eyes crinkling in amusement before she fell off it. Rather than falling to the ground, she bounced on the air, levitating midair as Skulduggery reached out a hand. 

Satya swept her up into her arms, placing a raspberry on her cheek and earning giggles from the child.

"Stephanie?" She stage-whispered, "Stephanie? Who is that?" The girl giggled as Satya tickled her stomach.

"You certainly called the right people," Skulduggery said with a sigh, "Where's her crib?"

"In the lounge," Gordon said, "But she kept climbing out- I tried reading and feeding her but she just kept wriggling!"

"Did you read her one of your books or was it something a bit more interesting?"

Gordon poked his tongue at the skeleton rather childishly. "I need a drink," He announced, "Satya, darling?"

"I'll just have a coke," Satya replied distractedly. Stephanie was tugging at her hair, stuffing in her mouth with delight.

"Has she had milk?" Skulduggery asked, hanging up his coat and helping Satya shrug hers off as she balanced Stephanie.

"Ba-ba-ba-ba-" Stephanie began clenching her fist, sucking on Satya's hair as she reached for Skulduggery.

"I don't think so," Skulduggery told her quite seriously, "This is a three thousand dollar suit."

"That you got for free," Satya said, passing the wriggling child over. Skulduggery's shoulders slumped as he took the child and watched with slight detachment as the baby looked up at his eye sockets with wide, intelligent brown eyes, puffed lips open in wonder before she latched her tiny arms on his shoulders and began to slobber on his skull.

Satya burst into laughter, leaning on one of the pillars as she watched with amusement. "Come on- I'll make her a bottle."

"Ba ba ba-" That seemed to be the extent of the baby's vocabulary. Skulduggery was careful not to speak as she stuck her fingers into his eye sockets and around his teeth, just in case he caught her fingers when he talked. He observed the child carefully, and if he had a face he would have a frown stuck. He hadn't held a child like this in years, in fact this girl reminded him quite a lot of his child with her dark, messy hair and wide brown eyes.

She was also very wriggly, just like Delilah. Satya's son had been a calm baby, not one to wriggle around and make a mess of things like his daughter had an aptitude for. Satya approached with a bottle of milk with a small smile on her lips.

"Reminds me of Delilah," She said with a laugh, "Not keeping still for a second."

Skulduggery simply tilted his head in thanks as he took the bottle as Stephanie's small hand hung through his skull. It was quite uncomfortable. He cradled her and luckily, once she spotted the bottle she calmed down, plonking herself in his bony arms and grasping the bottle.

"She's beautiful," Satya said quietly, brushing back the girl's hair as she guzzled down the milk. "She is," Skulduggery said in agreement.

They stood like that, for how long? Skulduggery wasn't sure. But they stood like that, Stephanie drinking down her milk until her eyelids became heavy and she was asleep, Skulduggery cradling her gently as he observed her with an air of melancholy while Satya brushed her hair back carefully with her fingers, murmuring an old Hindi nursery rhyme soothingly.

ooooooooooo

Valkyrie rested her feet on Gordon's desk, getting comfortable as she opened and rifled through his desk drawers. Most were full of small knickknacks- She even found a pair of expensive Ray-Bans that reminded her of a certain Texan assassin. She put them on,sliding them on her nose as she carried on.

Then she stumbled on a folder- The type you got with the pictures that you got printed at the store. Curiously, she gently pulled off the tape and pulled out three prints. She turned them over and almost dropped them in shock.

"Holy crap," Valkyrie whispered, taking off the sunglasses and looking at the photographs carefully. They were of Satya and Skulduggery standing close together in Gordon's kitchen. They were peering down at a baby who was cradled snugly in Skulduggery's arms, a milk bottle to her lips. From the angle that the photo was taken, Valkyrie could see familiar brown hair on the head of a very familiar looking baby. 

Baby her looked quite comfortable in the skeleton's arms, smiling up at Satya as she drank her milk. 

There were three copies of the photograph, one each for Skulduggery and Satya, she assumed, and one for Gordon. Well, Gordon wouldn't want it now, obviously so she tucked the photograph into the inside pocket of her jacket with a smile.


	24. Babysitting Duties

"Gordon said to go over but I need a ride so when are you coming to pick me up?"

"I didn't hear a please anywhere there," Skulduggery replied, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"It doesn't fit in the sentence," Satya said back with a grin, her fingers resting loosely around the landline phone as she scribbled something down on the page.

"You're annoying."

"I get it from you."

"You do have another brother with a large van- In fact, several brothers with vehicles," Skulduggery said.

"Are you  _whining?"_  

There was silence on the line.

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Love you too!"

oooooooooooooo

Satya and Skulduggery pulled into the driveway of Gordon Edgley's mansion, the Bentley coming to a silent stop as Skulduggery parked.

"This better be good," He grumbled, loosening the scarf around his neck and pulling off the frizzy wig he wore as a disguise.

"Maybe he has those books we were after?" Satya offered, leading the way to the front door of the magnificent estate. It was too large for one man, but perfect for the bestselling author who preferred to be left to his own devices, with the exception of his magical friends. 

"He would have just said," Skulduggery replied.

"Stop moping," She said, nudging him as she reached for the doorbell, "It's a gorgeous day, not a peep from our friend in the castle and we're going to the ball in two days. Life's good."

She saw his incredulous tilt of his skull and relented. "Yeah, you're right. Life's shit."

The door open to reveal a very frazzled looking Gordon Edgley. "Thank god!" He exclaimed, sounding like he ran a marathon.

"Just us," Satya said with a smile, reaching forward and kissing his cheek before walking in. "What is going- Oh." She stopped in the middle of the entrance hall, resting her eyes on the small child who had perched herself onto a coffee table.

"I see the problem," She said with a nod before a smile lit up her face, "Hello,  _digra-_ Who do we have here?" 

"Stephanie," Gordon said, breathing heavily, "Is supposed to be napping."

The dark haired baby who was crawling onto the table, tipping precariously over the edge let out a gurgle, her eyes crinkling in amusement before she fell off it. Rather than falling to the ground, she bounced on the air, levitating midair as Skulduggery reached out a hand. 

Satya swept her up into her arms, placing a raspberry on her cheek and earning giggles from the child.

"Stephanie?" She stage-whispered, "Stephanie? Who is that?" The girl giggled as Satya tickled her stomach.

"You certainly called the right people," Skulduggery said with a sigh, "Where's her crib?"

"In the lounge," Gordon said, "But she kept climbing out- I tried reading and feeding her but she just kept wriggling!"

"Did you read her one of your books or was it something a bit more interesting?"

Gordon poked his tongue at the skeleton rather childishly. "I need a drink," He announced, "Satya, darling?"

"I'll just have a coke," Satya replied distractedly. Stephanie was tugging at her hair, stuffing in her mouth with delight.

"Has she had milk?" Skulduggery asked, hanging up his coat and helping Satya shrug hers off as she balanced Stephanie.

"Ba-ba-ba-ba-" Stephanie began clenching her fist, sucking on Satya's hair as she reached for Skulduggery.

"I don't think so," Skulduggery told her quite seriously, "This is a three thousand dollar suit."

"That you got for free," Satya said, passing the wriggling child over. Skulduggery's shoulders slumped as he took the child and watched with slight detachment as the baby looked up at his eye sockets with wide, intelligent brown eyes, puffed lips open in wonder before she latched her tiny arms on his shoulders and began to slobber on his skull.

Satya burst into laughter, leaning on one of the pillars as she watched with amusement. "Come on- I'll make her a bottle."

"Ba ba ba-" That seemed to be the extent of the baby's vocabulary. Skulduggery was careful not to speak as she stuck her fingers into his eye sockets and around his teeth, just in case he caught her fingers when he talked. He observed the child carefully, and if he had a face he would have a frown stuck. He hadn't held a child like this in years, in fact this girl reminded him quite a lot of his child with her dark, messy hair and wide brown eyes.

She was also very wriggly, just like Delilah. Satya's son had been a calm baby, not one to wriggle around and make a mess of things like his daughter had an aptitude for. Satya approached with a bottle of milk with a small smile on her lips.

"Reminds me of Delilah," She said with a laugh, "Not keeping still for a second."

Skulduggery simply tilted his head in thanks as he took the bottle as Stephanie's small hand hung through his skull. It was quite uncomfortable. He cradled her and luckily, once she spotted the bottle she calmed down, plonking herself in his bony arms and grasping the bottle.

"She's beautiful," Satya said quietly, brushing back the girl's hair as she guzzled down the milk. "She is," Skulduggery said in agreement.

They stood like that, for how long? Skulduggery wasn't sure. But they stood like that, Stephanie drinking down her milk until her eyelids became heavy and she was asleep, Skulduggery cradling her gently as he observed her with an air of melancholy while Satya brushed her hair back carefully with her fingers, murmuring an old Hindi nursery rhyme soothingly.

ooooooooooo

Valkyrie rested her feet on Gordon's desk, getting comfortable as she opened and rifled through his desk drawers. Most were full of small knickknacks- She even found a pair of expensive Ray-Bans that reminded her of a certain Texan assassin. She put them on,sliding them on her nose as she carried on.

Then she stumbled on a folder- The type you got with the pictures that you got printed at the store. Curiously, she gently pulled off the tape and pulled out three prints. She turned them over and almost dropped them in shock.

"Holy crap," Valkyrie whispered, taking off the sunglasses and looking at the photographs carefully. They were of Satya and Skulduggery standing close together in Gordon's kitchen. They were peering down at a baby who was cradled snugly in Skulduggery's arms, a milk bottle to her lips. From the angle that the photo was taken, Valkyrie could see familiar brown hair on the head of a very familiar looking baby. 

Baby her looked quite comfortable in the skeleton's arms, smiling up at Satya as she drank her milk. 

There were three copies of the photograph, one each for Skulduggery and Satya, she assumed, and one for Gordon. Well, Gordon wouldn't want it now, obviously so she tucked the photograph into the inside pocket of her jacket with a smile.


End file.
